Mr. Pim Passes By (Play) Full Text Script

Mr. Pim Passes By

Act One

The morning-room at Marden House (Buckinghamshire) decided more than a hundred years ago that it was all right, and has not bothered about itself since. Visitors to the house have called the result such different adjectives as "mellow," "old-fashioned," "charming"--even "baronial" and "antique;" but nobody ever said it was "exciting." Sometimes听翱濒颈惫颈补听wants it to be more exciting, and last week she rather let herself go over some new curtains; she still has the rings to put on. It is obvious that the curtains alone will overdo the excitement; they will have to be harmonized with a new carpet and cushions.听翱濒颈惫颈补听has her eye on just the things, but one has to go carefully with听骋别辞谤驳别.听What was good enough, for his great-great-grandfather is good enough for him. However, we can trust听翱濒颈惫颈补听to see him through it, although it may take time.

A scene plot is given at the end of the play.

There are three ways of coming into the room: by the open windows leading from the garden, by the doors to R., or by the staircase from up听搁,听Mr. Pim聽chooses the latter way--or rather听础苍苍别听chooses it for him; and聽Mr. Pim聽kindly and inoffensively follows her. She comes down steps and crosses to听颁.,听followed by聽Mr. Pim.

础苍苍别听(moves up, looking off听尝.听and returning to听笔颈尘听R.C.). I'll tell Mr. Marden you're here, sir. Mr. Pim, isn't it?

笔颈尘听(nervously). Yes--er--Mr. Pim--Mr. Carraway Pim. He doesn't know me, you understand, but if he could just spare me a few moments--er---(He fumbles in his pockets.) I gave you that letter?

Anne. Yes, sir, I'll give it to him.

笔颈尘听(brings out a stamped letter which is not the one he was looking for, but which reminds him of something else he has forgotten. Looking at letter). Oh! Dear me!

Anne. Yes, sir?

Pim. Dear me. I ought to have posted this. (Looking at letter.) Oh, well, I must send a telegram. You have a telegraph office in the village?

Anne. Oh, yes, sir. (Moving up to terrace up听尝.听and pointing off听尝.) If you turn to the left when you get outside the gates, it's about a hundred yards down the hill. Turn to the left and down the hill.

Pim. Turn to the left and down the hill. Thank you, thank you. Very stupid of me to have forgotten.

(础苍苍别听exits up staircase R.)

(Mr. Pim聽wanders about the room humming to himself, and looking at the pictures and photos on piano. Then goes out at window up听尝.) (顿颈苍补丑听enters from staircase up听搁.听dancing, and humming the air of "Down on the Farm:" she is nineteen, very pretty, very happy, and full of boyish high spirits and conversation. She dances to foot of stairs, looks off听搁.,听then down听颁.,听then to piano; sits and plays a few bars and sings "Down on the Farm," rises and moves up to听搁.听of piano, and as she does so听笔颈尘听re-enters from window up听尝.听and they come suddenly face to face up back听颁.听below the writing-table. There is a slight pause.)

顿颈苍补丑听(backing a step). Hullo!

Pim. You must forgive me, but... Good morning, Mrs. Marden.

Dinah. Oh, I say,聽I'm not Mrs. Marden. I'm Dinah.

笔颈尘听(with a smile). Then I will say, Good morning. Miss Diana.

顿颈苍补丑听(reproachfully). Now, look here, if you and I are going to be friends, you mustn't do that. Dinah,聽not聽Diana. Do remember it, there's a good man, because I get so tired of correcting people. (Moving down听颁.听to听叠.) Have you come to stay with us? (Sits on settee听搁.)

笔颈尘听(following her down). Well, no, Miss--er--Dinah.

顿颈苍补丑听(nodding). That's right. I can see I shan't have to speak to聽you聽again. Now tell me your name, and I bet you I get it right first time. And do sit down.

笔颈尘听(crossing to听尝.听and sitting on settee听尝.). Thank you. My name is--er--Pim, Carraway Pim--

Dinah. Pim, that's easy.

Pim. And I have a letter of introduction to your father--

顿颈苍补丑听(rising and crossing to听搁.听of table听尝.颁.听and speaking across same). Oh, no; now you're going wrong again, Mr. Pim. George isn't my father; he's my uncle. Uncle George--he doesn't like me calling him George. Olivia doesn't mind--I mean she doesn't mind being called Olivia, but George is rather touchy. (Sitting on table, facing听笔颈尘.) You see, he's been my guardian since I was about two, and then about five years ago he married a widow called Mrs. Telworthy.

笔颈尘听(repeating). Mrs. Telworthy.

Dinah. That's Olivia--so she became my Aunt Olivia, only she lets me drop the Aunt. (Speaking very sharply.) Get that?

笔颈尘听(a little alarmed). I--I think so, Miss Marden.

顿颈苍补丑听(admiringly). I say, you聽are聽quick, Mr. Pim. Well, if you take my advice, when you've finished your business with George, you will hang about a bit and see if you can't see Olivia. (Rising and moving听颁.) She's simply--(feeling for the word)--devastating. I don't wonder George fell in love with her.

(Moving to above piano听搁.,听looking at photos, etc.)

笔颈尘听(rising and looking at his watch and coming听颁.). It's only the merest matter of business--just a few words with your uncle--Perhaps I'd better...

顿颈苍补丑听(looking at photo on top end of piano). Well, you must please yourself, Mr. Pim. I'm just giving you a friendly word of advice. Naturally, I was awfully glad to get such a magnificent aunt. (Moving down to听尝.听of piano and taking up and looking at photo of听翱濒颈惫颈补.) Because, after all, marriage聽is聽rather a toss up, isn't it?--

笔颈尘听(taken aback). Well, I don't, know, I haven't had any experience...

顿颈苍补丑听(continuing). And George might have gone off with anybody. (Moving to听笔颈尘.) It's different on the stage, where guardians always marry their wards, but George couldn't marry聽me聽because I'm his niece. Mind you, I don't say that I should have had him, because, between ourselves, he's a little bit old-fashioned.

Pim. So he married--er--Mrs. Marden instead.

Dinah. Mrs. Telworthy--don't say you've forgotten already, just when you were getting so good at names. Mrs. Telworthy. (Moves to and sits on settee听搁.) You see, Olivia married the Telworthy man and went to Australia with him, and he drank himself to death in the bush, or wherever you drink yourself to death out there, and Olivia came home to England, and met my uncle, and he fell in love with her and proposed to her--(rises and kneels on settee)--and he came into my room that night--I was about fourteen--and turned on the light and said, "Dinah, how would you like to have a beautiful aunt of your very own?" (笔颈尘听laughs.) And I said: "Congratulations, George." (笔颈尘听laughs again.) That was the first time I called him George. Of course, I'd seen it coming for weeks. Telworthy, isn't it a funny name?

Pim. Oh, a most curious name--Telworthy. From Australia, you say?

Dinah. Yes, I always say that he's probably still alive, and will turn up here one morning and annoy George.

笔颈尘听(shocked). Oh!

Dinah. But I'm afraid there's not much chance.

笔颈尘听(shocked). Miss Marden! Really!

Dinah, Well, of course, I don't really聽want聽it to happen, but it聽would聽be rather exciting. (Crossing to听笔颈尘.) Wouldn't it, Mr Pim?

Pim. Exciting!

(笔颈尘听crosses to below settee听尝.)

Dinah. However, things like that never seem to occur down here, somehow, (Running up into window up听搁.听Pim聽watches her.) There was a hayrick burnt last year about a mile away, but that isn't the same, is it?

Pim. No, I should say that that was certainly different.

顿颈苍补丑听(coming to back of table听尝.颁.). Of course, something very, very wonderful did happen last night. (Backing away.) No, no! I'm not sure if I know you well enough--(She looks at him hesitatingly.)

笔颈尘听(uncomfortably). Really, Miss Marden, you mustn't. I am only a--a passer-by, here to-day and gone to-morrow. You really mustn't--

顿颈苍补丑听(looking round and earning down to聽Pim), And yet there's something about you, Mr. Pim, which inspires confidence.

笔颈尘听(moving to听尝.). Oh, no. Really, you mustn't tell me.

顿颈苍补丑听(taking his arm). The fact is--(in a stage whisper)--I got engaged last night!

Pim. Dear me, let me congratulate you. I wish somebody would come here.

顿颈苍补丑听(running up to foot of staircase up听搁.听and looking off), I expect that's why George is keeping you such a long time. (Turning to听笔颈尘.) Brian, my young man, the well-known painter--only nobody has ever heard of him--he's smoking a pipe with George in the library and asking for his niece's hand. (Coming back to听笔颈尘,听and taking his hands, she dances round with him in a circle.)

(笔颈尘听falls exhausted and coughing on to settee听尝.听and听顿颈苍补丑听laughing sits on settee听搁.)

Dinah. Isn't it exciting? You're really rather lucky, Mr. Pim--I mean being told so soon. Even Olivia doesn't know yet.

Pim. Yes, yes, I congratulate you, Miss Marden. Perhaps it would be better--(About to get up.)

(础苍苍别听comes in from staircase up听搁.听She comes to听颁.)

Anne. Mr. Marden is out at the moment, sir--

顿颈苍补丑听(disappointed). Oh!

础苍苍别听(seeing聽Dinah). Oh, I didn't see you, Miss Dinah!

Pim. Out! Eh? Dear! Dear!

Dinah, It's all right, Anne. (Rising.)听I'm聽looking after Mr. Pim.

Anne. Very well, Miss.

笔颈尘听(sotto voce). Out! Oh, well, I'd better go--

(Exit听础苍苍别听up staircase听叠.)

顿颈苍补丑听(excitedly). That's me. (Running up to foot of staircase and watching听础苍苍别听off.) They can't discuss me in the library without breaking down--(coming down听搁.听and imitating听骋别辞谤驳别听and听叠谤颈补苍)--so they're walking up and down outside, and slashing at the thistles in order to conceal their emotion. You know. I expect Brian--(Crossing up to听搁.听of window.)

笔颈尘听(rising, calling). Miss Marden! Miss Marden! (Looking at his watch.) Yes, I think, Miss Marden, I had better go now and return a little later. I have a telegram which I want to send, and perhaps by the time I come back your uncle will be able--

顿颈苍补丑听(coming to聽Pim). Oh, but how disappointing of you, when we were getting on together so nicely! And it was just going to be your turn to tell me all about yourself.

Pim. I have really nothing to tell, Miss Marden. I have a letter of introduction to your uncle, who in turn will give me, I hope, a letter to a certain distinguished man whom it is necessary for me to meet. That is all. (Holding out his hand.) And now, Miss Marden, I really think I'd better be going.

顿颈苍补丑听(taking his arm and hading him up stage听颁.听to听尝.). Oh, I'll start you on your way to the post office.

Pim. Will you? Now, that's really very kind of you.

Dinah. No, it isn't.

Pim. Oh, but it is! You're a very kind little girl.

Dinah. I want to know if you're married--

Pim. Oh, no, I'm not married.

Dinah.--and all that sort of thing. You've got heaps to tell me, Mr. Pim. Have you got your hat? (笔颈尘听shows his hat.) Oh yes! That's right.

(Brian Strange聽comes in from window up听搁.听He is what听骋别辞谤驳别听calls a damned futuristic painter chap, aged 24. To look at he is a very pleasant boy, rather untidily dressed. He is about to tell听顿颈苍补丑听the result of his interview with听骋别辞谤驳别听when he catches sight of听笔颈尘.)

Then we'll--hullo, here's Brian! (Crossing below and to his听搁.听seizing him.) Brian, this is Mr. Pim! Mr. Carraway Pim. He's been telling me all about himself.

Pim. I haven't said a word. I never opened my mouth.

Dinah. It's so interesting. He's just going to send a telegram, and then he's coming back again. Mr. Pim--(coyly and moving down to head of settee听搁.)--this is Brian--you听办苍辞飞,

叠谤颈补苍听(nodding). How-do-you-do?

Pim. How-do-you-do, sir?

顿颈苍补丑听(pleadingly and crossing below听叠谤颈补苍听to聽Pim), You won't mind going to the post office by yourself now, will you? (Coyly moving up to chair by writing-table and nervously kicking her ankle, etc.) Because, you see, Brian and I--(She looks lovingly at听叠谤颈补苍.)

笔颈尘听(moved to sentiment). Miss Dinah and Mr.--er--Brian, I have only come into your lives for a moment, and it is probable that I shall now pass out of them for ever, but perhaps you will permit an old man--

Dinah. Oh, not so old!

笔颈尘听(chuckling happily). Not old? Well, shall we say a middle-aged man--(顿颈苍补丑听nods assent.听笔颈尘听laughs again)--a middle-aged man to wish you both every happiness in the years that you have before you. (Crossing in front of听顿颈苍补丑,听shakes hands with听叠谤颈补苍.) Good-bye--(shaking hands with聽Dinah)--good-bye, and thank you so much. Oh, I know my way. (Moving up听尝.听and turning to听顿颈苍补丑.) Turn to the left and down the hill? Turn to the left and down the hill.

(Exit听笔颈尘听up听尝.听Dinah聽watches him off up听尝.听on terrace and听叠谤颈补苍听up听搁.)

顿颈苍补丑听(coming into the room below writing-table to听搁.颁.). Brian, he'll get lost if he goes that way.

叠谤颈补苍听(crossing at back of windows and calling after him up听尝.). Round to the left, sir. Yes, that's right. (He comes back into the room, crossing down听尝.颁.) Rum old bird. Who is he?

Dinah. Darling, you haven't kissed me yet.

叠谤颈补苍听(moving up to her and pulling her down to below settee听尝.), Oh, I say. I oughtn't to, but then one never ought to do the nice things.

Dinah. Why oughtn't you?

(They sit on the sofa together--叠谤颈补苍听to听搁.,听Dinah聽to听尝.)

Brian. Well, we said we'd be good until we'd told your uncle and aunt all about it. You see, being a guest in their house--

Dinah. But, darling child, what聽have聽you been doing all this morning聽except聽telling George?

Brian. Oh,聽trying聽to tell George.

顿颈苍补丑听(nodding). Yes, of course, there's a difference.

Brian. I think he聽guessed聽there was something up, and he took me down to see the pigs--he said he had to see the pigs at once--I don't know why; an appointment perhaps. And we talked about pigs all the way, and I couldn't say, "Talking about pigs, I want to marry your niece--"

顿颈苍补丑听(with mock indignation). Oh, of course you couldn't.

Brian. No. Well, you see how it was. And then when we'd finished talking聽about聽pigs, we started talking聽to聽the pigs--

顿颈苍补丑听(eagerly). Oh,聽how聽is Arnold?

Brian. Arnold...? Oh yes, that's the little black-and-white one? He's very jolly, I believe, but naturally I wasn't thinking about him much. I was wondering how to begin. And then Lumsden came up, and wanted to talk pig-food, and the atmosphere grew less and less romantic, and--and I gradually drifted away.

Dinah. Oh, poor darling! Well, we shall have to approach him through Olivia.

Brian. But I always wanted to tell her first; she's so much easier. Only聽you聽wouldn't let me.

Dinah. That's聽your聽fault, Brian. You would tell Olivia that she ought to have orange-and-black curtains in here.

Brian. But she wants orange and black curtains in here.

Dinah. Yes. (Rising and standing with her back to fire, imitating听骋别辞谤驳别.) But George says he's not going to have any Futuristic nonsense in an honest English country house, which has been good enough for his father and his grandfather and his great-grandfather, and--and all the rest of them. (Kneels on settee.) So there's a sort of strained feeling between Olivia and George just now, and if Olivia were to--sort of recommend you, well, it wouldn't do you much good.

叠谤颈补苍听(looking at her). I see. Of course I know what聽you聽want, Dinah.

Dinah. What do I want?

Brian. You want a secret engagement--

Dinah. Oh!

Brian. And notes left under door-mats--

Dinah. Oh!

Brian. And meetings by the withered thorn--

Dinah. Oh!

Brian. When all the household is asleep.

Dinah. Oh!

Brian. I know you.

Dinah. Oh, but it is such fun! I love meeting people by withered thorns.

Brian. Well, I'm not going to have it.

顿颈苍补丑听(childishly, sitting close to him). Oh, George! Look at us being husbandy!

Brian. You babe! I adore you. (He kisses her and holds her hands.) You know, you're rather throwing yourself away on me. Do you mind?

顿颈苍补丑听(putting her legs up on settee and reclining her head on his shoulder). Not a bit.

Brian. We shall never be rich, but we shall have lots of fun, and meet interesting people, and feel that we're doing something worth doing, and not getting paid nearly enough for it, and we can curse the Academy together and the British Public, and--oh, it's an exciting life.

顿颈苍补丑听(seeing it). I shall love it.

叠谤颈补苍听(sincerely). I'll make you love it. You shan't be sorry, Dinah.

Dinah. You shan't be sorry either, Brian.

叠谤颈补苍听(looking at her lovingly). Oh, I know I shan't.... What will Olivia think about it? Will she be surprised?

Dinah. Olivia? Oh, she's never surprised. She always seems to have thought of things about half an hour before they happen. George just begins to get hold of them about half an hour after they've happened. (Considering him, stroking his hair.) After all, there's no reason why George shouldn't like you, darling.

Brian. I'm not his sort, you know, really.

Dinah. You're more Olivia's sort. Well, we'll tell Olivia this morning.

(翱濒颈惫颈补听comes in from top of staircase up R.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(coming in). And what are you going to tell Olivia this morning? (They jump up and go to her.)

Dinah. Olivia, darling--

Olivia, Oh, well, I think I can guess,

(顿颈苍补丑听goes to her听搁,听and听叠谤颈补苍听to her听尝.,听and they bring her down听颁.)

叠谤颈补苍听(following). Say you understand, Mrs. Marden.

Olivia. Mrs. Marden, I am afraid, is a very dense person, Brian, but I think if you asked Olivia if she understood--

Brian. Bless you, Olivia. I聽knew聽you'd be on our side.

Dinah. Of course she would.

Olivia. I don't know if it's usual to kiss an aunt-in-law, Brian, but Dinah is such a very special sort of niece that--(she inclines her cheek and听叠谤颈补苍听kisses it).

顿颈苍补丑听(backing away to听叠.听a little). I say, you are in luck to-day, Brian.

(叠谤颈补苍听moves up听颁.听laughing.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(crossing below settee听尝.听and up听尝.听to cabinet). And how many people have been told the good news?聽Brian. Nobody yet.

Dinah. Except Mr. Pim.

叠谤颈补苍听(crossing down to聽Dinah). Oh, does he--

翱濒颈惫颈补听(timing as she reaches cabinet, up听尝.), Who's Mr. Pim?

Dinah. Oh, he just happened--(翱濒颈惫颈补听takes curtains and work-basket from centre cupboard of cabinet.)--I say, are those the curtains? Then you're going to have them after all?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(with an air of surprise, coming down L., and putting work-basket on table L.C. and sitting with curtains). After all what? But I decided on them long ago. (To听叠谤颈补苍.) You haven't told George yet.

叠谤颈补苍听(moving to below stool听尝.颁.). I began to, you know, but I never got any farther than "Er--there's just--er--"

顿颈苍补丑听(crossing quickly below听翱濒颈惫颈补听and speaking into her face). George would talk about聽pigs聽all the time.

Olivia. Well, I suppose you want me to help you.

顿颈苍补丑听(sitting to听尝.听of聽Olivia). Oh, do, darling.

叠谤颈补苍听(sits on stool听尝.颁.). It would be awfully decent of you. Of course, I'm not quite his sort really--

Dinah. You're my sort.

Brian. But I don't think he objects to me, and--

(骋别辞谤驳别听comes in from terrace, a typical, narrow-minded, honest country gentleman of forty odd.听叠谤颈补苍听rises hurriedly and crosses to above piano to听搁.听Dinah聽rises and stands by fireplace.听翱濒颈惫颈补听unfolds curtains and prepares to sew.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(at the windows--he does not see聽Brian). Hullo! Hullo! Hullo! What's all this about a Mr. Pim? Who is he? Where is he? (He puts his cap on table, and comes down, into room.) I had most important business with Lumsden, and the girl comes down and cackles about a Mr. Pim, or Ping, or something. Where did I put his card? (Bringing it out.) Carraway Pim. Never heard of him in my life, (Moves back to writing-table and puts down card.)

Dinah. He said he had a letter of introduction, Uncle George.

George. Oh, you saw him, did you! (Comes down听颁.听to听搁.) Yes, that reminds me, there was a letter--(he brings it out and reads it).

Dinah. He had to send a telegram. He's coming back.

Olivia. Pass me those scissors, Brian.

叠谤颈补苍听(crossing to above table听尝.颁.). These? (he passes them.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(giving听叠谤颈补苍听a nod of encouragement and looking round at聽Dinah). Thank you.

骋别辞谤驳别听(reading). Ah well, a friend of Brymer's, Glad to oblige him. Yes, I know the man he wants. Coming back, you say, Dinah? (顿颈苍补丑听nods.) Then I'll be going back too. Send him down to the farm, Olivia, when he comes. (Going up meets听叠谤颈补苍.) Hallo, what happened to you? (Still moving up a little.)

Olivia. Don't go, George, there's something we want to talk about. (顿颈苍补丑听gives a long whistle. All look sheepish and听骋别辞谤驳别听notices their attitude.)

George. Hallo, what's this?

叠谤颈补苍听(quickly and over back of i.e. table to聽Olivia). Shall I---! (顿颈苍补丑听pantomimes. "Yes, do.")

翱濒颈惫颈补听(with a roguish loot at聽Dinah). Yes, (Sticks needle in work.)

叠谤颈补苍听(stepping out to听颁.) I've been wanting to tell you all this morning, sir, only I didn't seem to have an opportunity of getting it out.

George. Well, what is it?

(叠谤颈补苍,听taken aback for a moment, looks to听翱濒颈惫颈补听for encouragement. She nods approval and turning to听顿颈苍补丑,听takes her hand encouragingly--)

叠谤颈补苍听(boldly). I want to marry Dinah, sir.

George. You want to marry Dinah? God bless my soul!

顿颈苍补丑听(rushing to him below and to his听搁.听and pulling her cheek against his coat, and her hands on his shoulder). Oh, do say you like the idea, Uncle George.

George. Like the idea! (Taking her hands from his shoulder.) Have you heard of this nonsense, Olivia?

(Movement of annoyance from听顿颈苍补丑.)

Olivia. They've just this moment told me, George. I think they would be happy together.

骋别辞谤驳别听(crossing to fire-place听尝.,听to聽Brian). And what do you propose to be happy together on?

叠谤颈补苍听(R.C.). Well, of course, I know it doesn't amount to much at present, but we shan't starve.

Dinah. Brian got fifty pounds for a picture last March!

骋别辞谤驳别听(a little upset by this). Oh! (Recovering gamely.) And how many pictures have you sold since?

叠谤颈补苍听(gives a nervous look at听翱濒颈惫颈补听and听顿颈苍补丑,听who then sits on settee听搁.). Well, none, but--

George. None! And I don't wonder. Who the devil is going to buy pictures with triangular clouds and square sheep? (叠谤颈补苍,听annoyed, moves up听搁.颁.) And they call that Art nowadays! Good God, man (moving up to the windows), go outside and look at the clouds!

翱濒颈惫颈补听(busy stitching rings on curtains). If he draws round clouds in future, George, will you let him marry Dinah?

(骋别辞谤驳别听looks round, annoyed.听叠谤颈补苍听is hopeful and comes down towards听顿颈苍补丑.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(upset by this, coming down to head of听尝.颁.听table). What--what? Yes, of course, you would be on his side--all this Futuristic nonsense. (翱濒颈惫颈补听commences to sew.) I'm just taking these clouds as an example. (Crossing to听叠谤颈补苍.) I suppose I can see as well as any man in the county, and I say that clouds aren't triangular.

叠谤颈补苍听(ingratiatingly). After all, sir, at my age one is naturally experimenting, and trying to find one's (with a laugh)--well, it sounds priggish, but one's medium of expression. I shall find out what I want to do directly, but I think I shall always be able to earn enough to live on. Well, I have for the last three years.

George. I see, and now you want to experiment with a wife--

Brian. Yes--no--no--

Dinah. Yes, you do,

Brian. Yes.

George. And you propose to experimenting with my niece?

叠谤颈补苍听(with a shrug). Well, of course, if you--

Olivia. You could help the experiment, darling, by giving Dinah a good allowance until she's twenty-one.

George. Help the experiment! I don't聽want聽to help the experiment. (Crossing up to writing-table.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(apologetically). Oh, I thought you did.

George. You will talk as if I was made of money. What with taxes always going up and rents always going down, it's as much as we can do to rub along as we are (to back of听尝.颁.听table), without making allowances to everybody who thinks she wants to get married. (To听叠谤颈补苍.) And that's thanks to you, my friend.

叠谤颈补苍听(surprised). To me?

Olivia. You never told me, darling. What's Brian been doing?

顿颈苍补丑听(indignantly). He hasn't been doing anything.

骋别辞谤驳别听(round to foot of table听尝.颁.). He's one of your Socialists who go turning the country upside down.

Olivia. But even Socialists must get married sometimes.

骋别辞谤驳别听(crossing below听翱濒颈惫颈补听to fireplace). I don't see any necessity.

Olivia. But you'd have nobody to damn after dinner, darling, if they all died out.

叠谤颈补苍听(coming a little听颁.). Really, sir, I don't see what my politics and my art have got to do with it. I'm perfectly ready not to talk about either when I'm in your house, and as Dinah doesn't seem to object to them------

顿颈苍补丑听(moving towards听叠谤颈补苍听and championing him). I should think she doesn't.

George. Oh, you can get round the women, I daresay.

Brian. Well, it's Dinah I want to marry and live with. So what it really comes to is that you don't think I can support a wife.

George. Well, if you're going to do it by selling pictures, I don't think you can.

叠谤颈补苍听(moving to听搁.听of table听尝.颁.). All right, tell me how much you want me to earn in a year, and I'll earn it.

骋别辞谤驳别听(hedging). It isn't merely a question of money. I just mention that as one thing--one of the important things. (骋别辞谤驳别听crosses to听叠谤颈补苍听who backs towards听顿颈苍补丑.) In addition to that, I think you are both too young to marry. (顿颈苍补丑听stamps her foot.) I don't think you know your own minds (顿颈苍补丑听kneels dejectedly on settee听搁.), and I am not at all persuaded that, with what I venture to call your outrageous tastes------

Dinah. Oh!

骋别辞谤驳别听You and my niece will live happily together. (Pause. Crossing up to writing-table, sits.) Just because she thinks she loves you, Dinah may persuade herself now that she agrees with all you say and do, but she has been properly brought up in an honest English country household--(顿颈苍补丑听throws up her arms and buries her face in her hands on piano) and--er--she--well, in short, I cannot at all approve of any engagement between you. (Getting up.) Olivia, if this Mr.--er--Pim comes, I shall be down at the farm You might send him along to me.

(He walks towards the windows up听尝.)

叠谤颈补苍听(moving up听搁.,听followed by听顿颈苍补丑;听indignantly). Is there any reason why I shouldn't marry a girl who has been properly brought up?

George. I think you know my views, Strange.

(顿颈苍补丑,听disappointed, crosses down听搁.听again to below table听搁.颁.)

Olivia. George, wait a moment, dear. We can't quite leave it like this.

George. I have said all I want to say on the subject.

(顿颈苍补丑听sits on settee听搁.)

Olivia. Yes, darling, but I haven't begun to say all that聽I聽want to say on the subject.

骋别辞谤驳别听(crossing down to back of table听尝.颁.). Of course, if you have anything to say, Olivia, I will listen to it; but I don't know that this is quite the time--(翱濒颈惫颈补听makes a marked movement as she is sewing the curtains), or that you have chosen--(looking darkly at the curtains)--quite the occupation likely to--er--endear your views to me.

顿颈苍补丑听(mutinously, rising quickly and crossing to stool on which she kneels and looks up into听骋别辞谤驳别'蝉听face and bangs the table). I may as well tell you, Uncle George, that I have got a good deal to say, too.

(叠谤颈补苍听crosses down to her听搁.,听gingerly pulling her sleeve, trying to restrain her.)

Olivia. Yes, darling. I can guess what you are going to say, Dinah, and I think you had better keep it for the moment.

顿颈苍补丑听(meekly, backing to听搁.听below听叠谤颈补苍听and to听尝.听of table听搁.颁.). Yes, Aunt Olivia.

Olivia. Brian, you might take her outside for a walk. I expect you have plenty to talk about.

(叠谤颈补苍听and听顿颈苍补丑听move up听搁.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(following them up). Now mind, Strange, no love-making. I put you on your honour about that.

叠谤颈补苍听(looking round dubiously at聽Dinah). I'll do my best to avoid it, sir.

顿颈苍补丑听(cheekily). May I take his arm if we go up a hill?

Olivia. I'm sure you'll know how to behave--both of you.

叠谤颈补苍听(R.聽of writing-table). Come on, then, Dinah.

顿颈苍补丑听(following him). Right-o. (They exeunt through windows and off to听尝.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(as they go). And if you do see any clouds, Strange, take a good look at them. (He chuckles to himself.) Triangular clouds--I never heard of such nonsense. (He goes back to his chair at the writing-table and sits.) Futuristic rubbish... Well, Olivia?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(sewing curtains). Well, George?

George. What are you doing?

Olivia. Making curtains--(grunt of disapproval from聽George)--George. Won't they be rather sweet? Oh, but I forgot--you don't like them.

George. No. I don't like them, and what is more, I don't mean to have them in my house. As I told you yesterday, this is the house of a simple country gentleman, and I don't want any of these new-fangled ideas in it.

Olivia. Is marrying for love a new-fangled idea?

George. We'll come to that directly. None of you women can keep to the point. What I am saying now is that the house of my fathers and forefathers is good enough for me.

Olivia. Do you know, George, I can hear one of your ancestors saying that to his wife in their smelly old cave--(骋别辞谤驳别听looks up annoyed at her levity)--when the new-fangled idea of building houses was first suggested. "The Cave of my Forefathers is good enough for------"

骋别辞谤驳别听(rising and coming to听搁.听of听尝.颁.听table). That's ridiculous. Naturally we must have progress. But that's just the point. (Indicating the curtains.) I don't call this sort of thing progress. It's--ah--retrogression.

Olivia. Well, anyhow, it's pretty.

George. There I disagree with you. And I must say once more that I will not have them hanging in my house. (Going up听搁.颁.)

Olivia. Very well, George. (But she goes on working.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(seeing her continuing to sew, stops). That being so, I don't see the necessity of going on with them.

Olivia. Well, I must do something with them now I've got the material.

(骋别辞谤驳别听goes up to writing-table, sits and writes.)

I thought perhaps I could sell them when they're finished--as we're so poor.

骋别辞谤驳别听(turns to her with surprised look). What do you mean--so poor?

Olivia. Well, you said just now that you couldn't give Dinah an allowance because rents had gone down.

骋别辞谤驳别听(annoyed). Confound it, Olivia! Keep to the point! We'll talk about Dinah's affairs directly. We're discussing our own affairs at the moment.

Olivia. But what is there to discuss, dear?

George. Well, those ridiculous things.

Olivia. But we've finished that. You've said you wouldn't have them hanging in your house, and I've said, "Very well, George."--(骋别辞谤驳别听is again annoyed.)--Now we can go on to Dinah, and Brian.

骋别辞谤驳别听(shouting). But put these beastly things away.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(rising and gathering up the curtains). Very well, George.

(Going up听尝.听she places the curtains on the cabinet.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(waits impatiently until she has put them away on top of cabinet). Ah! That's better.

(翱濒颈惫颈补听comes to table听尝.颁.,听closes her workbox and then crosses down to settee听搁.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(rising and crossing down to听翱濒颈惫颈补听and placing arms lovingly on her shoulder). Now look here, Olivia, old girl, you've been a jolly good wife to me--(takes his arms from her shoulder)--and we don't often have rows, and if I've been rude to you about this--lost my temper a bit perhaps, what?--I'll say I'm sorry. May I have a kiss?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(holding up her face). George, darling! (He kisses her.) Do you love me?

George. You know I do, old girl.

Olivia. As much as Brian loves Dinah?

骋别辞谤驳别听(stiffly, taking her hands from his shoulders). I've said all I want to say about that. (He goes away from her to听尝.)

Olivia. Oh, but there must be lots you want to say and perhaps don't like to. (Sits on settee听搁.) Do tell me, darling.

骋别辞谤驳别听(coming back to听颁.). What it comes to is this. I consider that Dinah is too young to choose a husband for herself, and that Strange isn't the husband I should choose for her.

Olivia. You were calling him Brian yesterday.

George. Yesterday I regarded him as a boy, now he wants me to look upon him as a man.

Olivia. He's twenty-four.

George. Yes, and Dinah's nineteen. Ridiculous. (Crossing up to smoking-table up听搁.,听and filling his pipe which he finds on table.)

Olivia. If he'd been a Conservative, and thought that clouds were round, I suppose he'd have seemed older, somehow.

George. That's a different point altogether. That has nothing to do with his age.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(innocently). Oh, I thought it had.

骋别辞谤驳别听(crossing down听颁.听stuffing tobacco into his pipe). What I am objecting to is these ridiculously early marriages before either party knows its own mind, much less the mind of the other party. (Moving to fireplace looking for a match.) Such marriages invariably lead to unhappiness.

Olivia. Of course,聽my聽first marriage wasn't a happy one.

George. As you know, Olivia, I dislike speaking about your first marriage at all--(takes a match from table down聽L.听翱濒颈惫颈补听rises slowly and goes up to听搁.听of writing-table)--and I had no intention of bringing it up now, but since you mention it--well, there's a case in point. (Sits on settee听尝.,听lighting his pipe.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(looking back at it). When I was eighteen, I was in love.

骋别辞谤驳别听(turning to her). What?

Olivia. Or perhaps I only thought I was, and I don't know if I should have been happy or not if I had married him. But my father made me marry Mr. Jacob Telworthy. (骋别辞谤驳别听looks up at her, annoyed.) And when things were too hot for him in England--"too hot for him"--I think that was the expression we used in those days--then we went to Australia, and I left him there. (Goes slowly down to back of settee听尝.) And the only happy moment I had in all my married life was on the morning when I saw in the papers that he was dead. (Leans with her arms over back of settee.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(very uncomfortable yet lovingly taking her hands with his left hand). Yes, yes, my dear, I know, I know. You must have had a terrible time. I can hardly bear to think about it. My only hope is that I have made up to you for it in some degree. (She places her left cheek lovingly on his head.) (Dropping her hands.) But I don't see what bearing it has upon Dinah's case.

Olivia. Oh, none, except that聽my听蹿补迟丑别谤听liked聽Jacob's political opinions and his views on art. (Moving slowly round听尝.颁.听table to below stool at foot.) I expect that that was why he chose him for me.

George. You seem to think that I wish to choose a husband for Dinah. I don't at all. Let her choose whom she likes as long as he can support her and there's a chance of their being happy together. Now, with regard to this fellow--

Olivia. You mean Brian?

George. Well, he's got no money, and he's been brought up in quite a different way from Dinah. Dinah may be prepared to believe that--er--all cows are blue, and that--er--waves are square, but she won't go on believing it for ever.

Olivia. Neither will Brian.

骋别辞谤驳别听(moving to听搁.听end of settee). Well, that's what I keep telling him, only he won't see it. Just as I keep telling you about those ridiculous curtains. (Points to cupboard with pipe in right hand over his left shoulder.) It seems to me that I am the only person in the house with any eyesight left.

Olivia. Perhaps you are, darling; but you must let us find out our own mistakes for ourselves. (Sits on stool听尝.颁.) At any rate, Brian is a gentleman; he loves Dinah, Dinah loves him; he's earning enough to support himself, and you are earning enough to support Dinah.

骋别辞谤驳别听(amazed). What?

Olivia. I think it's worth risking, George.

骋别辞谤驳别听(stiffly). I can only say the whole question demands much more anxious thought than you seem to have given it. You say that he is a gentleman. He knows how to behave, I admit; but if his morals are as topsy-turvy as his tastes and--er--politics, as I've no doubt they are (rising and moving to听尝.), then-er--In short, I do聽not聽approve of Brian Strange as a husband for my niece and ward. (Knocks pipe out down听尝.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(looking at him thoughtfully). You聽are聽a curious mixture, George. You were so very unconventional when you married me, and you're so very conventional when Brian wants to marry Dinah.... George Marden to marry the widow of a convict!

骋别辞谤驳别听(advancing). Convict! What do you mean?

Olivia. Jacob Telworthy, convict--I forget his number--surely I told you all this, dear, when we got engaged?

George. Never!

Olivia. Oh, but I told you how he carelessly put the wrong signature to a cheque for a thousand pounds in England; how he made a little mistake about two or three companies he'd promoted in Australia; and how--

George. Yes, yes (crossing slowly to听颁.听below聽Olivia), but you never told me he'd been--er--well--convicted!

Olivia. What difference does it make?

George. My dear Olivia, if you can't see that--a--a--oh, well!

Olivia. Oh! A convict! So, you see, we needn't be too particular about our niece, need we?

George. I think we had better leave your first husband out of the conversation altogether. I never wished to refer to him; I never wish to hear about him again. I certainly had not realized that he was actually--er--well--convicted for his--er--(moving to writing-table and picking up his cap).

Olivia. Mistakes.

George. Well, we needn't go into that. As for this other matter, I don't for a moment take it seriously. Dinah is an exceptionally pretty girl, and young. Strange is a good-looking boy. (Coming down to back of settee听尝.) If they are attracted to each other, it is a mere outward attraction which I am convinced will not lead to any lasting happiness. (翱濒颈惫颈补听is about to protest.) That must be regarded as my last word in the matter, Olivia. If this Mr.--er--what was his name, comes, I shall be down at the farm. (骋别辞谤驳别听goes out by the staircase up听搁.)

(Left alone,听翱濒颈惫颈补听rises, goes up听颁.,听takes up her curtains again and crossing down听尝.听sits on settee, and gets calmly to work upon them.)

(顿颈苍补丑听comes in by the windows from up听搁.听and crosses to听尝.听window at back, then seeing听翱濒颈惫颈补,听beckons to听叠谤颈补苍听and runs down to back of settee to听搁.听of聽Olivia.听叠谤颈补苍听enters from up听搁.,听and follows down to back of table听尝.颁.)

顿颈苍补丑听(over back of settee). Finished?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(startled). Oh, no, I've got all these rings to put on.

Dinah. I meant talking to George.

Olivia. Oh!

Brian. We walked about outside------

Dinah. Until we heard him聽not聽talking to you any more------

Brian. And we didn't kiss each other once.

Dinah and 叠谤颈补苍听(pointing roguishly and with satisfaction at聽Olivia). Ah!

Dinah. Brian was very George-like. He wouldn't even let me tickle the back of his neck. (She goes suddenly to听翱濒颈惫颈补听and sits on her听尝.) Darling (putting her arms round听翱濒颈惫颈补听and kissing her), being George-like is a very nice thing to be--I mean a nice thing for other people to be--I mean--oh, you know what I mean. But say that he's going to be decent about it.

Olivia. Of course he is, Dinah.

叠谤颈补苍听(sits on stool听尝.颁.,听and leans forward eagerly). You mean he'll let me come here as--as------

Dinah. As my young man?

Olivia. Oh, I think so.

顿颈苍补丑听(kissing聽Olivia). Olivia, you're a wonder.

(Embraces her round the neck.)

(Rising and crossing below听叠谤颈补苍,听touching him on the shoulder.)

Brian!

(Crossing to piano, sits and plays five bars of "The Wedding March," rises and crosses at back of听叠谤颈补苍听to听尝.听of听翱濒颈惫颈补听behind settee.)

Have you really talked him round?

Olivia. I haven't said anything yet.

顿颈苍补丑听(very disappointed). Oh!

(叠谤颈补苍听rises and backs to听颁.)

Olivia. But I dare say I shall think of something.

Brian. Oh! my lord.

顿颈苍补丑听(disappointedly). Oh!

叠谤颈补苍听(going up听颁.). After all, Dinah, I'm going back to London to-morrow------

顿颈苍补丑听(crossing quickly towards聽Brian). Oh, no, no!

Olivia. Now, Dinah. You can be good for one more day, and then when Brian isn't here, we'll see what we can do.

顿颈苍补丑听(placing her hands on听叠谤颈补苍'蝉听shoulders). Yes, but I didn't want him to go back to-morrow.

叠谤颈补苍听(sternly, taking her hands away). Must. Hard work before me. (顿颈苍补丑听moves to back of table听尝.颁.) Earn thousands a year. (Going down听搁.听Dinah聽and听翱濒颈惫颈补听are amused). Paint the Mayor and Corporation of Pudsey, life-size, including chains of office; paint slice of haddock on plate. Copy Landseer for old gentleman in Bayswater. Design antimacassar for middle-aged sofa in Streatham. (Sitting and putting his legs up on settee R.) Oh, yes. Earn a living for you. Dinah.

顿颈苍补丑听(giggling). Oh, Brian, you're heavenly. What fun we shall have when we're married.

叠谤颈补苍听(with exaggerated dignity). Sir Brian Strange, R.A., if you please, Miss Marden. Sir Brian Strange, R.A., writes: "Your Sanogene has proved a most excellent tonic. After completing the third acre of my Academy picture, 'The Mayor and Corporation of Pudsey,' I was completely exhausted, but one bottle of Sanogene revived me, and I finished the remaining seven acres at a single sitting."

翱濒颈惫颈补听(rising and looking about her). Brian, find my scissors for me. (Sits again.)

叠谤颈补苍听(rising and crossing to听颁.). Scissors. Sir Brian Strange, R.A., looks for scissors.

(叠谤颈补苍,听clasping his hands behind his back, with a very important walk, looks first on the top end of piano, then on writing-table at back.听顿颈苍补丑听playfully follows him round, imitating his walk.听叠谤颈补苍听crosses to cabinet up L. and finds the scissors on top, takes them up and in a threatening attitude turns to听顿颈苍补丑,听exclaiming,聽"Ha, ha!"听顿颈苍补丑听with a little playful scream backs to chair below writing-table, and sits. Holding up scissors.)

Once more we must record an unqualified success for the eminent Academician. (Turning to听翱濒颈惫颈补听and with a bow hands them over the back of settee to her.) Your scissors.

Olivia. Thank you so much.

Dinah. Come on, Brian, let's go out. I feel open-airy.

(They go up听搁.)

Olivia. Don't be late for lunch, there's good people. Lady Marden is coming.

Dinah. Aunt Juli-ah! Help! (She faints in听叠谤颈补苍'蝉听arms.) That means a clean pinafore. Brian, you'll jolly well have to brush your hair.

叠谤颈补苍听(feeling it). I suppose there's no time now to go up to London and get it cut?

(Enter听础苍苍别听from stairs up R. and comes to foot of staircase, followed by听笔颈尘,听who comes half-way down the stairs.)

Anne. Mr. Pim!

顿颈苍补丑听(delighted). Hullo. Mr. Pim! (Imitating a clown.) Here we are again! You can't get rid of us so easily, you see.

Pim. I--er--dear Miss Marden------(Crosses down to听颁.)

Olivia. How-do-you-do, Mr. Pim? I can't get up, but do come and sit down (笔颈尘听shakes hands with听翱濒颈惫颈补.) My husband will be here in a minute. Anne, send somebody down to the farm------

Anne, I think I heard the Master in the library, madam.

Olivia. Oh, will you tell him then?

Anne. Yes, madam,

(础苍苍别听goes out up staircase.)

Olivia. You'll stay to lunch, of course, Mr. Pim?

顿颈苍补丑听(coming down听颁.听to听搁.) Oh, do!

Pim. It's very kind of you, Mrs. Marden, but-------

Dinah. Oh, you simply must, Mr. Pim. You haven't told us half enough about yourself yet. I want to hear all about your early life.

Olivia. Dinah!

(顿颈苍补丑听sits at piano and plays thirty-two bars of "If you could only care.")

Pim. Oh, we are almost, I might say, old friends, Mrs. Marden.

(叠谤颈补苍听comes down and kneels on settee听搁.,听listening to听顿颈苍补丑听playing.)

Dinah. Of course we are. He knows Brian, too. There's more in Mr. Pim than you think. You will stay to lunch, won't you?

Pim. (sits on stool听尝.颁.) It's very kind of you to ask me, Mrs. Marden, but I am lunching with the Trevors.

Olivia. Oh, well, you must come to lunch another day.

Pim. Oh, thank you, thank you.

Dinah. The reason why we like Mr. Pim so much is that he was the first person to congratulate us. We feel that he is going to have a great influence on our lives.

Pim. (to聽Olivia). I, so to speak, stumbled on the engagement this morning, and--er--

Olivia. I see. Children, you must go and tidy yourselves up. Run along.

Brian. Sir Brian and Lady Strange never run; they walk.

(顿颈苍补丑听stops playing.) (Offering his听搁.听arm and bowing.) Madam!

(顿颈苍补丑听curtsies and takes his arm and they go up听颁.)

(顿颈苍补丑听takes mincing steps and playfully shakes her hand at聽Mr. Pim,聽who is amused.)

Dinah. Au revoir, Mr. Pim. (Dramatically.) We--shall--meet--again!

(笔颈尘.听laughing heartily, rises and bows.)

(叠谤颈补苍听and听顿颈苍补丑听go out through the window up听颁.听to听尝.)

Olivia. You must forgive them, Mr. Pim. They're such children. And naturally they're rather excited just now.

Pim. Oh, naturally, naturally!

Olivia. Of course you won't say anything about their engagement. We only heard about it five minutes ago, and nothing has been settled yet.

Pim. Of course, of course!

(Enter听骋别辞谤驳别听from staircase up听搁.)

George. Ah, Mr. Pim, we meet at last. Sorry to have kept you waiting before. (Shaking hands.) How are you? How are you?

Pim. The apology should come from me, Mr. Marden, for having--er--

George. Not at all. Very glad to meet you now. Any friend of Brymer's. You want a letter to this man Fanshawe?

Olivia. Shall I be in your way at all?

Pim. Oh, no, no, please don't.

George. Oh, no. It's only just a question of a letter. Fanshawe will put you in the way of seeing all that you want to see. (Crossing up to writing-table, sits.) He's a very old friend of mine. (Taking a sheet of notepaper and turning in chair to听笔颈尘.) You'll stay to lunch, of course?

Pim. It's very kind of you, but I'm lunching with the Trevors. (Sits settee R. and puts down his hat and gloves.)

George. Ah, well, they'll look after you all right. Good chap, Trevor.

Pim. Oh, very good ... very good. (To听翱濒颈惫颈补.) You see, Mrs. Marden, I have only recently arrived from Australia--(翱濒颈惫颈补听stops in her sewing and听骋别辞谤驳别听looks up)--after travelling about the world for some years, and I'm rather out of touch with my--er--fellow-workers in London.

Olivia. I see! You've been in Australia, Mr. Pim?

Pim. Oh, yes, I------

骋别辞谤驳别听(after a loud cough). Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Pim. I shan't be a moment.

Pim. Oh, that's all right, thank you. (To听翱濒颈惫颈补.) Oh, yes, I have been in Australia more than once in the last few years.

Olivia. Really? I used to live at Sydney many years ago. Do you know Sydney at all?

Pim. Oh, yes, I was------

骋别辞谤驳别听(coughing). H'r'm! Perhaps I'd better mention that you are a friend of the Trevors?

Pim. Thank you, thank you. (To听翱濒颈惫颈补.) Indeed yes, I spent several months in Sydney a few years ago.

Olivia. How curious! I wonder if we have any friends in common there.

骋别辞谤驳别听(coughing and gruffly). Extremely unlikely, I should think. Sydney is a very big place.

Pim. True, true, but the world is a very small place, Mr. Marden. I had a remarkable instance of that, coming over on the boat this last time.

George. Ah! (Feeling that the conversation is now safe, he resumes his letter.)

Pim. Yes. There was a man I used to employ in Sydney some years ago, a bad fellow, I'm afraid, Mrs. Marden, who had been in prison for some kind of fraudulent company-promoting and had taken to drink and--and so on.

Olivia. Yes, yes, I understand.

Pim. Drinking himself to death, I should have said. I gave him at the most another year to live. Yet to my amazement the first person I saw as I stepped on board the boat that brought me to England last week was this fellow. There was no mistaking him. I spoke to him, in fact; we recognized each other.

(骋别辞谤驳别听rises.)

Olivia. Really?

Pim. He was travelling steerage; we didn't meet again on board, and as it happened at Marseilles, this poor fellow--er--now what was his name? A very unusual one. Began with a--a T, I think.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(with suppressed feeling). Yes, Mr. Pim, yes? (She puts out a hand to听骋别辞谤驳别.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(in an undertone, taking her hand). Nonsense, dear!

笔颈尘听(triumphantly). I've got it! Telworthy!

翱濒颈惫颈补听(draws back in settee, overcome). Telworthy!

George. Good God!

笔颈尘听(a little surprised at the success of his story). An unusual name, is it not? Not a name you could forget when once you had heard it.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(with feeling, gazing into space with hands clenched). No, it is not a name you could forget when once you had heard it.

骋别辞谤驳别听(hastily coming over to聽Pim). Quite so, Mr. Pim, a most remarkable name, a most odd story altogether. Well, well, here's your letter--(笔颈尘听rises and tales letter)--and if you're sure you won't stay to lunch------

Pim. No, thank you. You see, I'm lunching with------

George. With the Trevors, yes. I remember you told me. (Taking his arm and hurrying him up听颁.) I'll just see you on your way.... (To听翱濒颈惫颈补,听who does not notice听笔颈尘听holding out his hand to say good-bye.) Er--my dear------

翱濒颈惫颈补听(holding out her hand, but not looking at him). Good-bye, Mr. Pim.

笔颈尘听(shaking hands with聽Olivia). Good-bye, good-bye!

骋别辞谤驳别听(taking him by the arm up听尝.听towards the windows). This way, this way. Quicker for you.

Pim, Thank you, thank you.

(骋别辞谤驳别听hurries him up听颁.听and he exits to聽L.听翱濒颈惫颈补听looks into the past and shudders.听骋别辞谤驳别听comes back to听颁.)

George. Good God! Telworthy! (础苍苍别听enters from up听搁.听and comes to foot of staircase.) Is it possible?

(Before听翱濒颈惫颈补听can answer,聽Lady Marden聽is announced.)

Anne. Lady Marden.

(骋别辞谤驳别听crosses down to听翱濒颈惫颈补听and touches her on the shoulder. They pull themselves together, and听翱濒颈惫颈补听rises and is crossing towards听颁.听to greet聽Lady Marden,聽who does not appear.)

Quick Curtain.

Act Two

Scene.--The same scene and furniture with addition of a camp table and five camp chairs outside on terrace at back centre. Lunch is over.聽Lady Marden's聽whip and gloves are on writing-table.

(础苍苍别听enters with coffee for five on salver, from double doors听搁.,听and is about to place it on table听尝.颁.听when听翱濒颈惫颈补,听who follows her on, says:)

Olivia. We'll have coffee on the terrace, Anne.

Anne. Very good, madam. (Moves up听尝.听and places salver on camp table on terrace.)

(Lady Marden聽follows听翱濒颈惫颈补听from double doors聽R.听础苍苍别听crosses at back of windows to听搁.)

Olivia. We'll have coffee on the terrace, Aunt Julia.

(Lady Marden聽crosses in front of听翱濒颈惫颈补听and up听尝.听through windows and sits听搁.听at back of camp table.听骋别辞谤驳别听follows聽Lady Marden,聽meets听翱濒颈惫颈补,听and both throw up their arms despairingly.听翱濒颈惫颈补听crosses up听尝.听through windows and sits to听尝.听of camp table.听顿颈苍补丑听and听叠谤颈补苍听follow听骋别辞谤驳别听on.)

(础苍苍别听exits at doors听搁.)

(骋别辞谤驳别听turns, and seeing听顿颈苍补丑听is annoyed, follows听翱濒颈惫颈补听up听尝.听and sits听尝.听of聽Lady Marden.)

顿颈苍补丑听(to聽Brian). I know Aunt Julia likes a little music.

(顿颈苍补丑听comes down to piano and takes up small guitar.听叠谤颈补苍听crosses to听尝.,听laughing at her. She goes up听尝.听of writing-table, playing and singing, and crosses round back of writing-table and sits to听搁.听of camp table,听叠谤颈补苍听follows her and stands with his back to windows.听骋别辞谤驳别听and聽Lady Marden聽are annoyed with听顿颈苍补丑'蝉听playing, and tell her to stop, and she does so.听翱濒颈惫颈补听pours milk into听顿颈苍补丑'蝉听cup and听叠谤颈补苍听passes it to her; she drinks and then commences to play again and is stopped by looks from聽Lady Marden聽and听骋别辞谤驳别.)

Lady Marden听(to聽Dinah). No! No! Don't do it!

Olivia. Your aunt does not like it, dear.

(骋别辞谤驳别听and听翱濒颈惫颈补听want to be alone, so do听叠谤颈补苍听and听顿颈苍补丑.听At last听叠谤颈补苍听murmurs something about a cigarette-case, and catching听顿颈苍补丑'蝉听eye, comes into the room. He leans against the sofa down听尝.听and waits for her.)

顿颈苍补丑听(loudly, as she comes in strumming on guitar). Have you found it?

Brian. Found what?

顿颈苍补丑听(in her ordinary voice, crossing quickly down to聽Brian). That was just for聽their聽benefit. I said I'd help you find it. It聽is聽your cigarette-case we're looking for, isn't it?

叠谤颈补苍听(taking it out). Yes. Have one?

Dinah. No, thank you, darling. (叠谤颈补苍听goes up听搁.听in smoking-table for a match.) Aunt Juli-ah still thinks it's unladylike.... Have you ever seen her beagling? (Comes down to piano, puts down instrument.)

Brian. No. Is that very ladylike?

顿颈苍补丑听(sitting on settee听搁.). Very.... I say, what has happened, do you think?

叠谤颈补苍听(moving down to back of table听搁.颁.). Everything. I love you, and you love me.

Dinah. Silly! I meant between George and Olivia. Didn't you notice them at lunch?

叠谤颈补苍听(sits on table). I noticed that you seemed to be doing most of the talking. But then I've noticed that before sometimes. Do you think Olivia and your uncle have quarrelled because of聽us?

Dinah. Of course not. George may聽think聽he has quarrelled, but I'm quite sure Olivia hasn't. No (顿颈苍补丑听beckons to听叠谤颈补苍,听who comes and sits above her), I believe Mr. Pim's at the bottom of it. He's brought some terribly sad news about George's investments. (Rising and facing听叠谤颈补苍.) The old home will have to be sold up.

Brian. Good. Then your uncle won't mind your marrying me.

顿颈苍补丑听(by table above settee听搁.). Yes, darling, but you must be more dramatic about it than that. "George," you must say, with tears in your eyes, "I cannot pay off the whole of the mortgage for you. I have only two and ninepence; but at least let me take your niece off your hands." Then George will (hitting him on the shoulder)聽thump you on the back and say gruffly (crossing to听尝.), "You're a good fellow, Brian, a damn good fellow," and he'll blow his nose very loudly, and say, "Confound this cigar, it won't draw properly."

叠谤颈补苍听(rising and crossing to聽Dinah). Dinah, you're a heavenly idiot. And you've simply got to marry me, uncles or no uncles.

Dinah. Hush! (She takes his hand and they sit on settee听尝.,听hiding from others at back). It will have to be "uncles," I'm afraid, because, you see, I'm his ward, and I can get sent to Chancery or Coventry or somewhere beastly, if I marry without his consent, Haven't聽you聽got anybody who objects to your marrying聽me?

Brian. Nobody, thank Heaven.

Dinah. Well, that's rather disappointing of you. I saw myself fascinating your aged father at the same time that you were fascinating George. I should have done it much better than you. As a George-fascinator you aren't very successful, sweetheart.

叠谤颈补苍听(kissing her hand). What am I like as a Dinah-fascinator?

Dinah. Plus six, darling.

Brian. Then I'll stick to that and leave George to Olivia.

Dinah. I expect she'll manage him all right. I have great faith in Olivia. But you'll marry me, anyhow, won't you, Brian?

Brian. I will.

Dinah. Even if we have to wait till I'm twenty-one?

Brian. Even if we have to wait till you're fifty-one.

顿颈苍补丑听(holding out her hands to him). Darling!

叠谤颈补苍听(uneasily). I say, don't do that.

Dinah. Why not?

Brian. Well, I promised I wouldn't kiss you.

Dinah. Oh! (Rising and crossing to听颁.,听watching the others at back). Well, you might just send me a kiss. You can look the other way as if you didn't know I was here.

Brian. Like this?

(He looks the other way, kisses the tips of his fingers, and flicks it carelessly in her direction. She pretends to catch it, kissing her own hands.)

Dinah. That was a lovely one. Now here's one coming for you.

(She throws him a kiss. He catches it gracefully and conveys it to his mouth.)

叠谤颈补苍听(rising, and with a low bow). Madam, I thank you.

顿颈苍补丑听(curtsying). Your servant, Mr. Strange,

翱濒颈惫颈补听(rising from outside). Dinah!

顿颈苍补丑听(jumping up). Hullo! (Moving quickly to piano, plays "Mickey.")

(叠谤颈补苍听throws away his cigarette and walks to听尝.)

(翱濒颈惫颈补听comes in through the window up听尝.,听followed by听骋别辞谤驳别听and聽Lady Marden,聽the latter a vigorous young woman of sixty odd, who always looks as if she were beagling.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(coming down to听顿颈苍补丑听above piano). Aunt Julia wants to see the pigs, dear. I wish you'd take her down. I'm rather tired, and your uncle has some business to attend to.

(骋别辞谤驳别听sits in chair up听颁.听in front of writing-table.)

Lady Marden听(moving down听颁.), I've always said that you don't take enough exercise, Olivia. (Turning to others.) Look at me--sixty-five and proud of it. (Goes up听搁.听and takes up gloves and riding-whip from writing-table.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(taking off her coatee). Yes, Aunt Julia, you're wonderful.

Dinah. How old would Olivia be if she took exercise?

(翱濒颈惫颈补,听smiling, but with an admonishing look at听顿颈苍补丑,听comes up听搁.听and places her coatee on balustrade.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(from up听颁.). Don't fool about asking silly questions, Dinah. Your aunt hasn't much time.

Brian. May I come, too, Lady Marden?

Lady Marden听(coming down centre to聽Brian). Well, a little exercise wouldn't do聽you聽any harm, Mr. Strange. You're an artist, ain't you?

(顿颈苍补丑听stops playing.)

Brian. Well, I try to paint.

顿颈苍补丑听(rises and moves to听搁.颁.). He sold a picture last March for------

George. Yes, yes, never mind that now.

Lady Marden. Yes, unhealthy life. (Going to听搁.听of writing-table and crossing at back, turns to听顿颈苍补丑听and听叠谤颈补苍.) Well, come along.

(She strides out up听尝.,听followed by听顿颈苍补丑听and听叠谤颈补苍,听who upset听骋别辞谤驳别'蝉听papers on writing-table as they go.听翱濒颈惫颈补听takes the curtains and workbox from听颁.听cupboard of cabinet and comes down听尝.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(looking up and seeing聽Olivia). Really, Olivia, we've got something more important, more vital to us than curtains, to discuss, now that we聽are聽alone at last.

Olivia. I wasn't going to discuss them, dear. (Sits.)

George. Of course, I'm always glad to see Aunt Julia in my house, but I wish she hadn't chosen this day of all days to come to lunch.

Olivia. It wasn't Aunt Julia's fault. It was really Mr. Pim who chose the wrong day.

骋别辞谤驳别听(fiercely and rising). Good heavens, is it true?

Olivia. About Jacob Telworthy?

George. Yon told me he was dead. (Moving down to听尝.听of听尝.颁.听table.) You always said that he was dead.

Olivia. Well, I always thought that he was dead. He was as dead as anybody could be. All the papers said he was dead.

骋别辞谤驳别听(scornfully). The papers!(Crossing up to smoking-table for his pipe.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(as if this would settle it for聽George). The聽Times聽said he was dead. There was a paragraph about him. Apparently even his death was fraudulent.

骋别辞谤驳别听(coming down听颁.). Yes, yes, I'm not blaming you, Olivia, but what are we going to do, that's the question, what are we going to do? My God, it's horrible! (Crossing to fireplace.) You've never been married to me at all! You don't seem to understand.

Olivia. It is a little difficult to realize. You see, it doesn't seem to have made any difference to our happiness.

George. No, that's what's so terrible. (翱濒颈惫颈补听looks up surprised.) I mean--well, of course, we were quite innocent in the matter. (Sits in arm-chair down听尝.) But, at the same time, nothing can get over the fact that we--we had no right to--to be happy.

Olivia. Would you rather we had been miserable?

George. You're Telworthy's wife, that's what you don't seem to understand. You're Telworthy's wife. You--er--forgive me, Olivia, but it's the horrible truth--you committed bigamy when you married me. (In horror, going up听尝.) Bigamy! (Coming round to听颁.)

Olivia. It is an ugly word, isn't it?

George. Yes, but you don't understand. (Coming quickly down听颁.,听sits on stool听尝.颁.,听facing her.) Look here, Olivia, old girl, the whole thing is nonsense, eh? It isn't your husband, it's some other Telworthy that this fellow met. That's right, isn't it? Some other shady swindler who turned up on the boat, eh? This sort of thing doesn't happen to people like聽us--committing bigamy and all that. Some other fellow.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(shaking her head). I knew all the shady swindlers in Sydney.... They came to dinner.... There were no others called Telworthy.

骋别辞谤驳别听(rising with gesture of despair). Well, what are we going to do?

Olivia. You sent Mr. Pim away so quickly. He might have told us things. Telworthy's plans. Where he is now. You hurried him away so quickly.

George. I've sent a note round to ask him to come back. My one idea at the moment was to get him out of the house--to hush things up. (Going up to writing-table.)

Olivia. You can't hush up two husbands.

骋别辞谤驳别听(in despair). You can't. (Sits at writing-table.) Everybody will know. Everybody!

Olivia. The children, Aunt Julia, they may as well know now as later. Mr. Pim must, of course.

George. I do not propose to discuss my private affairs with Mr. Pim------

Olivia. But he's mixed himself up in them rather, hasn't he, and if you're going to ask him questions------

George. I only propose to ask him one question. I shall ask him if he is absolutely certain of this fellow's name. I can do that quite easily without letting him know the reason for my inquiry.

Olivia. You couldn't make a mistake about a name like Telworthy. But he might tell us something about Telworthy's plans. Perhaps he's going back to Australia at once. Perhaps he thinks I'm dead, too. Perhaps--oh, there are so many things I want to know.

George. Yes, yes, dear. It would be interesting to--that is, one naturally wants to know these things, but of course it doesn't make any real difference.听翱濒颈惫颈补听(surprised). No difference?

骋别辞谤驳别听(rising and coming down to back of settee听尝.). Well, that is to say, you're as much his wife if he's in Australia as you are if he's in England.

Olivia. I am not his wife at all. (Shaking her head.) Jacob Telworthy may be alive, but I am not his wife. I ceased to be his wife when I became yours.

George. You never聽were聽my wife. (Annoyed and crossing to听搁.听and back again to听尝.颁.) That is the terrible part of it. Our union--you make me say it, Olivia--has been unhallowed by the Church. Unhallowed even by the Law. Legally, we have been living in--living in--well, the point is, how does the Law stand? I imagine that Telworthy could get a--a divorce.... Oh, it seems impossible that things like this can be happening to聽us. (Going up听颁.)

Olivia. A divorce?

George. I--I imagine so.

Olivia. But then we could聽really聽get married, and we shouldn't be living in--living in--whatever we were living in before.

骋别辞谤驳别听(coming down to听搁.听of table听尝.颁.). I can't understand you, Olivia. You talk about it so calmly, as if there was nothing blameworthy in being divorced.

Olivia. Yes, but------

George. As if there was nothing unusual in my marrying a divorced woman.

Olivia. Yes, but------

George. As if there was nothing wrong in our having lived together for years without having been married.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(placing her hands on table). What seems wrong to me is that I lived for five years with a bad man whom I hated. What seems right to me is that I lived for five years with a good man whom I love.

骋别辞谤驳别听(taking and patting her hands affectionately). Yes, yes, my dear, I know. (Drops her hands and moves to听颁.) But right and wrong don't settle themselves as easily as that. We've been living together when you were Telworthy's wife. That's聽wrong.

Olivia. Do you mean wicked?

George. Well, no doubt the Court would consider that we acted in perfect innocence------

Olivia. What Court?

George. Well, you see, my dear, these things have to be done legally, of course. (Moving to听搁.听to settee, thinking it out.) I believe the proper method is a nullity suit, declaring our marriage null and--er--void. It would, so to speak, wipe out these years of--er---(Moving back to听颁.)

Olivia. Wickedness?

George. Of irregular union, and-er--then------

Olivia. Then I could go back to Jacob.... Do you really mean that, George?

骋别辞谤驳别听(uneasily). Well, dear, you see-that's how things are--one can't get away from--er--------

Olivia. What you feel is that Telworthy has the greater claim? You are prepared to--make way for him?

George. Both the Church and the Law would say that I had no claim at all, I'm afraid. I--I suppose I haven't.

Olivia. I see. (She looks at him curiously.) Thank you for making it so clear, George.

George. Of course, whether or not you go back to--er--Telworthy is another matter altogether. (Crossing to fireplace.) That would naturally be for you to decide.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(cheerfully). For me and Jacko to decide.

George. Er--Jacko?

Olivia. I used to call my first husband--I mean my only husband--Jacko. I didn't like the name of Jacob, and Jacko seemed to suit him somehow. (Enjoying the joke.) He had very long arms. (骋别辞谤驳别听is very annoyed.) Poor Jacko.

骋别辞谤驳别听(annoyed). You don't seem to realize that this is not a joke, Olivia.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(still amused). It may not be a joke, but it is funny, isn't it?

George. I must say I don't see anything funny in a tragedy that has wrecked two lives.

Olivia. Two? Oh, but Jacko's life isn't wrecked. It has just been miraculously restored to him. And a wife, too. There's nothing tragic for Jacko in it.

骋别辞谤驳别听(stiffly). I was referring to聽our聽two lives--yours and mine.

Olivia. Yours, George? Your life isn't wrecked. The Court will absolve you of all blame; your friends will sympathize with you, and tell you that I was a designing woman who deliberately took you in; your Aunt Julia--

骋别辞谤驳别听(overwrought). Stop it! (Crossing over to her.) What do you mean? Have you no heart? (翱濒颈惫颈补听gives a little hurt cry.) Do you think I聽want聽to lose you, Olivia? (Sits on her听尝.) Do you think I聽want聽my home broken up like this? Haven't you been happy with me these last five years?

Olivia. Very happy.

George. Well then, how can you talk like that?

Olivia. But you want to send me away,

George. There you go again. I don't聽want聽to. I have hardly had time to realize just what it will mean to me when you go. The fact is I simply daren't realize it. I daren't think about it.

Olivia. Try thinking about it, George.

George. And you talk as if I聽wanted聽to send you away!

Olivia. Try thinking about it, George.

George. You don't seem to understand that I'm not聽sending聽you away. You simply aren't mine to keep.

Olivia. Whose am I?

骋别辞谤驳别听(dubiously). Your husband's. Telworthy's.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(gently). If I belong to anybody but myself, I think I belong to you.

George. Not in the eyes of the Law. Not in the eyes of the Church. Not even in the eyes of--er------

Olivia. The County?

骋别辞谤驳别听(annoyed). I was about to say "Heaven."

Olivia. Oh!

骋别辞谤驳别听(rising and crossing below听翱濒颈惫颈补听to听颁.). That this should happen to聽us!

(翱濒颈惫颈补听works in silence. Then she shakes out her curtains.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(looking at them). I do hope Jacko will like these.

骋别辞谤驳别听(turning and seeing curtains). What! You------(Going up to her quickly and taking her by the hands raises her from the settee.) Olivia, Olivia, have you no heart?

Olivia. Ought you to talk like that to another man's wife?

George. Confound it, is this just a joke to you?

Olivia. You must forgive me, George; I am a little over-excited--at the thought of returning to Jacob.

George. Do you聽want聽to return to him?

Olivia. One wants to do what is right. In the eyes of--er--Heaven.

George. Seeing what sort of a man he is, I have no doubt that you could get a separation, supposing that he didn't--er--divorce you. I don't know聽what聽is best. I must consult my solicitor. The whole position has been sprung on us, and (miserably sits on stool听尝.颁.) I don't know, I don't know. I can't take it all in. (Leaning forward and burying his face in his hands.)

Olivia. Wouldn't you like to consult your Aunt Julia too? She could tell you what the County--I mean what Heaven really thought about it.

George. Yes, yes. Aunt Julia has plenty of common sense. You're quite right, Olivia. This isn't a thing we can keep from the family.

Olivia. Do I still call her聽Aunt听闯耻濒颈补?

(础苍苍别听comes in from staircase up听搁.听骋别辞谤驳别听does not see her, but听翱濒颈惫颈补听attracts his attention.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(looking up at聽Olivia). What? What? (Rising and crossing up to聽Anne.) Well, what is it?

Anne. Mr. Pim says he will come down at once, sir.

George. Oh, thank you, thank you.

(翱濒颈惫颈补听picks up curtains.听础苍苍别听goes out up staircase up听搁.)

Olivia. George, Mr. Pim has got to know.

George. I don't see the necessity.

Olivia. Not even for me? When a woman suddenly hears that her long-lost husband is restored to her, don't you think she wants to ask questions? Where is he living, and how is he looking, and--

骋别辞谤驳别听(very angry, going to writing-table, sits). Of course, if you are interested in these things--

Olivia. How can I help being? Don't be so silly, George. (Moves up to听搁.听of听骋别辞谤驳别听with the curtains on her arm.) We聽must聽know what Jacko--

骋别辞谤驳别听(annoyed) I wish you wouldn't call him by that ridiculous name.

Olivia. My husband--

骋别辞谤驳别听(wincing). Yes, well--your husband?

Olivia. Well, we must know his plans--where we can communicate with him, and so on.

George. I have no wish to communicate with him.

Olivia. I'm afraid you'll have to, dear.

George. I don't see the necessity.

Olivia. Well, you'll want to--to apologize to him for living with his wife for so long. (骋别辞谤驳别听looks up and round at her nonplussed). And as I belong to him, he ought to be told where he can--call for me.

骋别辞谤驳别听(after a struggle and scratching his head). You put it in a very peculiar way, but I see your point. (With a shudder.) Oh, the horrible publicity of it all! (Turns away and leans on writing-table.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(going up to him and comforting him, placing her hands on his shoulders). Poor George. Dear, don't think I don't sympathize with you. I understand so exactly what you are feeling. The publicity! It's terrible.

骋别辞谤驳别听(miserably and turning in his chair to her). I want to do what's right. You believe that, don't you?

Olivia. Of course I do. (Taking her hands away.) It's only that we don't quite agree as to what is right and what is wrong.

George. It isn't a question of agreeing. Right is right, and wrong is wrong, all the world over.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(with a sad little smile). But more particularly in Buckinghamshire, I think.

George. If I only considered myself, I should say: "Let us pack this man Telworthy back to Australia. He would make no claim. He would accept money to go away and say nothing about it." If I consulted simply my own happiness, Olivia, that, is what I should say. But when I consult--er--

翱濒颈惫颈补听(with great feeling). Mine?

George. My conscience------

翱濒颈惫颈补听(disappointed). Oh!

George. Then I can't do it. (Rises and is going up听尝.) It's wrong.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(making her first appeal). Yes; but, George, don't you think I'm worth a little--

骋别辞谤驳别听(turning round, seeing听顿颈苍补丑听coming). H'sh! Dinah! (Moves back to writing-table. Loudly for听顿颈苍补丑'蝉听benefit.) Well, then I'll write to him and--Ah, Dinah, where's Aunt Julia?

顿颈苍补丑听(coming in from up听尝.). We've seen the pigs, and now she's discussing the Art of Landseer with Brian. (Crossing in front of writing-table to听翱濒颈惫颈补.) I just came to ask--

Olivia. Dinah, dear, bring Aunt Julia here. And Brian too. We have things we want to talk about with you all.

Dinah. Right-o! (Moves back up听尝.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(outraged). Olivia!

顿颈苍补丑听(turning on terrace). What fun!

(翱濒颈惫颈补听goes to table听尝.颁.听and picks up her work-box. Exit聽Dinah听尝.)

George. Olivia, you don't seriously suggest that we should discuss these things with a child like Dinah and a young man like Strange, a mere acquaintance.

Olivia. Dinah will have to know. I'm very fond of her, George. You can't send me away without telling Dinah. And Brian is my friend. (Moving to cabinet, puts curtains and work-box on top of cabinet.) You have your solicitor and your aunt and your conscience to consult--mayn't I even have Brian?

骋别辞谤驳别听(forgetting). I should have thought that your聽husband--

翱濒颈惫颈补听(coming down to听尝.听back end of settee听尝.). Yes, but we don't know where Jacko is.

George. I was not referring to--er--Telworthy.

Olivia. Well then?

George. Oh, of course--You--naturally I--Oh, this is horrible! (Sits with his face in his hands at writing-table.)

(翱濒颈惫颈补听is about to speak to him as聽Lady Marden聽enters from up听尝.听Lady Marden聽looks at听骋别辞谤驳别,听then moves down to centre.听顿颈苍补丑听follows and comes to听尝.听back end of settee.听叠谤颈补苍听follows听顿颈苍补丑听and comes to back of table聽L.C.听翱濒颈惫颈补听moves round to听尝.听end of settee听尝.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(after a pause). George and I have had some rather bad news, Aunt Julia. We wanted your advice. Where will you sit?

Lady Marden. Thank you, Olivia. I can sit down by myself.

(She does so, on lower end of settee听搁.,听moving cushion away.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(to聽Dinah). You sit there, my darling.

(顿颈苍补丑听sits in arm-chair down听尝.听and听翱濒颈惫颈补听on settee听尝.听There is a good pause.听础濒濒听are looking very uncomfortable.)

Lady Marden. Well, what is it?

(Another pause.听础濒濒听are still looking very uncomfortable.)

Money, I suppose; nobody's safe nowadays.

(There is another good pause.听骋别辞谤驳别听looks up hopelessly at聽Lady Marden.听叠谤颈补苍听moves up inquisitively towards听骋别辞谤驳别,听who turns and gradually raising his head catches sight of听叠谤颈补苍听and gives him a severe look and听叠谤颈补苍听retreats quickly to back of听尝.颁.听table.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(signalling for help). Olivia------

翱濒颈惫颈补听(after a pause). We've just heard that my first husband is still alive.

Dinah. Telworthy!

Brian. Good Lord!

Lady Marden. George!

顿颈苍补丑听(excitedly). And only this morning I was saying that nothing ever happened in this house! (Rising from arm-chair and sitting to听尝.听of听翱濒颈惫颈补听and remorsefully to her.) Darling, I don't mean that. Darling one!

Lady Marden. What does this mean, George? I leave you for ten minutes--barely ten minutes--to go and look at the pigs, and when I come back you tell me that Olivia is a bigamist.

(顿颈苍补丑听jumps up and moves to听尝.听of settee听尝.)

叠谤颈补苍听(indignantly advancing towards聽Lady Marden). I say------

翱濒颈惫颈补听(restraining him). H'sh!

叠谤颈补苍听(to听翱濒颈惫颈补听and taking her hand across table听尝.颁.). If this is a row, I'm on your side.

Lady Marden. Well, George?

骋别辞谤驳别听(rising and coming down to聽Lady Marden). I'm afraid it's true, Aunt Julia. (Taking stool from听尝.颁.听to听颁.,听sits on it.听顿颈苍补丑听sits in arm-chair down听尝.) We heard the news just before lunch--just before you came. We've only this moment had an opportunity of talking about it, of wondering what to do.

Lady Marden. What was his name------Tel--something------

Olivia. Jacob Telworthy.

Lady Marden听(in amazement). So he's alive still?

George. Apparently. There seems to be no doubt about it.

Lady Marden听(to聽Olivia). Didn't you聽see聽him die? I should always want to聽see聽my husband die before I married again. Not that I approve of second marriages, anyhow. I told you so at the time, George.

翱濒颈惫颈补.听And聽me, Aunt Julia.

Lady Marden. Did I? Well, I generally say what I think.

George. I ought to tell you, Aunt Julia, that no blame attaches to Olivia over this. Of that I am perfectly satisfied. It's nobody's fault, except------

Lady Marden. Except Telworthy's.聽He聽seems to have been rather careless. Well, what are you going to do about it?

George. That's just it. It's a terrible situation (With a gesture of despair.) There's bound to be so much publicity. Not only all this, but--but Telworthy's past.

Lady Marden. I should have said that it was Telworthy's present which, was the trouble. Had he a past as well?

Olivia. He was a fraudulent company promoter. He went to prison a good deal.

(General consternation.听叠谤颈补苍听gives a long whistle and goes up.)

Lady Marden. George, you never told me this!

George. I--er------

Olivia. I don't see聽why聽he should want to talk about it.

顿颈苍补丑听(indignantly rising and moving to L. end of settee听尝.). What's it got to do with Olivia, anyhow? It's not聽her听蹿补耻濒迟.

Lady Marden听(sarcastically and emphatically). Oh, no, I daresay it's mine.

(There is an uncomfortable pause.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(to聽George). You wanted to ask Aunt Julia what was the right thing to do.

叠谤颈补苍听(crossing down L.C. and bursting out). Good Heavens, what is there to do except the one and only thing? (They all look at him and he becomes embarrassed and backs up stage a little.) I'm sorry. You don't want聽me听迟辞------

翱濒颈惫颈补听(taking his hand across table听尝.颁.).听I聽do, Brian.

Lady Marden. Well, go on, Mr. Strange. What would聽you聽do in George's position?

叠谤颈补苍听(crosses down to back of table听尝.颁.). Do? Say to the woman I loved, "You're聽mine听(bangs table with his fist), and let this other damned fellow come and take you from me if he can!" And he couldn't--how could he?--not if the woman chose聽me.

(Lady Marden聽gazes at听叠谤颈补苍听in amazement,听骋别辞谤驳别听in anger.听翱濒颈惫颈补听presses his hand gratefully. He has said what she has been waiting--oh, so eagerly--for听骋别辞谤驳别听to say.听骋别辞谤驳别听rises and goes angrily up to听叠谤颈补苍,听who defies him.听骋别辞谤驳别听is subdued and moves helplessly up听颁.听followed by听叠谤颈补苍,听who is still defiant.听顿颈苍补丑听rises and runs up听尝.听and round back of settee听尝.听and up to left of听叠谤颈补苍听and takes his arm.)

顿颈苍补丑听(adoringly). Oh, Brian! (In a loud whisper.) It聽is聽me, isn't it, and not Olivia?

Brian. You baby, of course!

Lady Marden. I'm afraid, Mr. Strange (顿颈苍补丑听with an exclamation of annoyance comes down to听尝.听of settee听尝.), your morals are as peculiar as your views on Art.

叠谤颈补苍听(down to back of table听尝.颁.). This is not a question of morals or of art, it's a question of love.

Dinah. Hear, hear!

Lady Marden听(to聽George). Isn't it that girl's bed-time yet?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(to听顿颈苍补丑听and taking her hand). We'll let her sit up a little longer if she's good.

Dinah. I will be good, Olivia (aggressively to聽Lady Marden), only I thought anybody, however important a debate was, was allowed to say "Hear, hear!"

骋别辞谤驳别听(coming down听颁.). Really, Olivia, I really think we could discuss this better if Mr. Strange took Dinah out for a walk. Strange, If you--er------

Olivia. Tell them what you have settled first, George.

Lady Marden. Settled? What is there to be settled? It settles itself.

骋别辞谤驳别听(sadly). That's just it.

Lady Marden. The marriage must be annulled--is that the word, George?

George. I presume so. (Sits on stool听颁.)

Lady Marden. One's solicitor will know all about that, of course.

Brian. And when the marriage has been annulled, what then?

Lady Marden. Presumably Olivia will return to her husband.

叠谤颈补苍听(bitterly to聽Lady Marden). And聽that's聽morality! As expounded by Bishop Landseer!

骋别辞谤驳别听(angered, rising and facing聽Brian). I don't know what you mean by Bishop Landseer. Morality is acting in accordance with the Laws of the Land and the Laws of the Church. I am quite prepared to believe that your creed embraces neither marriage (顿颈苍补丑听gives a little cry and bangs a cushion on settee angrily) nor monogamy, but my creed is different.

叠谤颈补苍听(fiercely). My creed includes both marriage and monogamy, and monogamy means sticking to the woman you love, as long as she wants you.

Lady Marden听(calmly). You suggest that George and Olivia should go on living together, although they have never been legally married. Bless the man, what do you think the County would say?

叠谤颈补苍听(scornfully). Does it matter?

Dinah. Well, if you really want to know, the men would say, "Gad, she's a fine woman; I don't wonder he sticks to her," and the women would say, "I can't聽think聽what he sees in her to stick to her like that," and they'd both say, "After all, he may be a damn fool, but you can't deny he's a sportsman."

(Lady Marden聽is very indignant.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(indignantly). Was it for this sort of thing Olivia, that you insisted on having Dinah and Mr. Strange in here? To insult me in my own house?

Lady Marden. I can't think what young people are coming to nowadays.

Olivia. I think, dear, you and Brian had better go.

顿颈苍补丑听(getting up). We will go. (Crossing below听翱濒颈惫颈补听and putting her knee on stool and looking cheekily up into听骋别辞谤驳别'蝉听face.) But I'm just going to say one thing, Uncle George. Brian and I聽are聽going to marry each other, and when we are married we'll stick to each other, however many of our dead husbands and wives turn up! Come on, Brian. (She goes up听颁.听and through window and goes out indignantly, followed by聽Brian听搁.)

(骋别辞谤驳别听follows them up.)

George. Upon my word, this is a pleasant discussion.

Olivia. I think the discussion is over, George. It is only a question of where I shall go, while you are bringing your--what sort of suit did you call it?

Lady Marden听(to聽George). Nullity suit. I suppose that聽is聽the best thing?

George. It's horrible. (Moving down between stool and聽Lady Marden.) The awful publicity. That it should be happening to聽us, that's what I can't get over.

Lady Marden. I don't remember anything of the sort in the Marden Family before, ever.

骋别辞谤驳别听(absently). Lady Fanny.

Lady Marden听(recollecting). Yes, of course; but that was two hundred years ago. The standards were different then. (Rising and going up听颁.听to听搁.) Besides, it wasn't quite the same, anyhow.

骋别辞谤驳别听(absently). No, it wasn't quite the same.

Lady Marden听(R. of writing-table). No. We shall all feel it. Terribly.

骋别辞谤驳别听(his apology). If there were any other way! Olivia, what聽can聽I do? It聽is聽the only way, isn't it? All that that fellow said--of course, it sounds very well--but as things are.... (Crossing towards听翱濒颈惫颈补.)听Is聽there anything in marriage, or isn't there? You believe that there is, don't you? You aren't one of these Socialists. Well, then,聽can聽we go on living together when you're another man's wife? It isn't only what people will say, but it聽is聽wrong, isn't it?.... And supposing he doesn't divorce you, are we to go on living together, unmarried, for聽ever? (Lady Marden聽turns and listens.) Olivia, you seem to think that I'm just thinking of the publicity--what people will say. I'm not. I'm not. That comes in any way. But I want to do what's right, what's best. I don't mean what's best for us, what makes us happiest, I mean what's really best, what's rightest. What anybody else would do in my place. (翱濒颈惫颈补听holds out her hands lovingly towards him.)听I聽don't know. It's so unfair. You're not my wife at all, but I want to do what's right.... (Sits foot of table听尝.颁.) Oh, Olivia, Olivia, you do understand, don't you?

(They have both forgotten聽Lady Marden.听翱濒颈惫颈补听has never taken her eyes off him as he makes his last attempt to convince himself.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(almost tenderly). So very, very well, George. Oh, I understand just what you are feeling. And oh, I do so wish that you could--(with a little sigh)--but then it wouldn't be George, not the George I married--(with a rueful little laugh)--or didn't quite marry.

Lady Marden. I must say, I think you are both talking a little wildly.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(repeating it, oh, so tenderly). Or didn't--quite--marry.

(She looks at him with all her heart in her eyes. She is giving him his last chance to say "Damn Telworthy; you're mine!" He rises and crosses to听搁.听He struggles desperately with himself, turns to听翱濒颈惫颈补.)

George. Olivia! Olivia! My darling!

(She rises. He crosses to her and takes her in his arms.)

(础苍苍别听enters from double doors听搁.)

Anne. Mr. Pim is here, sir.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(prompting him). Mr. Pim, dear.

骋别辞谤驳别听(emerging from the struggle with an effort). Pim? Pim? Oh, ah, yes, of course. (Crossing up to聽Anne.) Mr. Pim. (Looking up.) Where have you put him?

Olivia. I want to see Mr. Pim, too, George.

Lady Marden听(coming down听颁.听to听搁.听of table听尝.颁.). Who on earth is Mr. Pim?

Olivia. Show him in here, Anne. (骋别辞谤驳别听comes back to听颁.)

Anne. Yes, madam.

(She goes out double doors听搁.)

Olivia. It was Mr. Pim who told us about my husband. He came across with him in the boat, and recognized him as the Telworthy he knew in Australia.

Lady Marden. Oh! Shall I be in the way? (Moving down to听搁.颁.)

George. No, no. It doesn't matter, does it, Olivia?

Olivia. Please stay.

(Lady Marden聽sits听搁.听settee.)

(础苍苍别听enters at double doors followed by聽Mr. Pim.)

Anne. Mr. Pim.

骋别辞谤驳别听(pulling himself together). Ah, Mr. Pim! Very good of you to have come.

Pim. Oh, not at all!

George. The fact is--er--(It is too much for him; he looks despairingly at听翱濒颈惫颈补.)

Olivia. We're so sorry to trouble you, Mr. Pim. By the way, do you know Lady Marden?

笔颈尘听(centre). No, I haven't the honour.

骋别辞谤驳别听(introducing). My Aunt! Mr. Pim.

(Mr. Pim聽and聽Lady Marden聽bow to each other.)

Olivia. Do come and sit down, won't you? (Pim is moving to听尝.,听turns and bumps into听骋别辞谤驳别,听who is following him. She makes room for him on the sofa next to her.) The fact is, Mr. Pim, you gave us rather a surprise this morning, and before we had time to realize what it all meant, you had gone.

Pim. A surprise, Mrs. Marden? Dear me, not an unpleasant one, I hope?

Olivia. Well, rather a--surprising one. (Lady Marden聽coughs.)

(Pim sits to听搁.听of听翱濒颈惫颈补,听who takes his hat and places it to her听尝.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(turns to聽Lady Marden). Olivia, allow me a moment. Mr. Pim, you mentioned a man called Telworthy this morning. My wife used to (Lady Marden聽gives a pronounced cough)--that is to say, I used to--that is, there are reasons--

Olivia. I think we had better be perfectly frank, George.

Lady Marden听(aggressively). I am sixty-five years of age, Mr. Pim, and I can say that I've never had a moment's uneasiness by (beating her knee with her hand, stick in left hand) telling the truth.

(笔颈尘听and聽Lady Marden聽fix each other with a look.听笔颈尘听then looks at听翱濒颈惫颈补听and听骋别辞谤驳别听and leans back on settee.)

笔颈尘听(after a desperate effort to keep up with the conversation). Oh!... I--er--I'm afraid I am rather at sea. Have I--er--left anything unsaid in presenting my credentials to you this morning?

骋别辞谤驳别听and听翱濒颈惫颈补听Oh, no!

Pim. This Telworthy whom you mention--I seem to remember the name--

Olivia. Mr. Pim, you told us this morning of a man whom you had met on the boat, a man who had come down in the world, whom you had known in Sydney. A man called Telworthy.

笔颈尘听(relieved). Ah, yes, yes, of course. (To听翱濒颈惫颈补.) I did say Telworthy, didn't I? Most curious coincidence, Lady Marden. Poor man, poor man! Let me see, it must have been ten years ago--

George. Just a moment, Mr. Pim. You're quite sure that his name was Telworthy?

笔颈尘听(to聽George). Telworthy--Telworthy--didn't I say Telworthy? Yes, that was it--Telworthy. Poor fellow!

Olivia. I'm going to be perfectly frank with you, Mr. Pim. I feel quite sure that I can trust you.

Pim. Oh, Mrs. Marden!

Olivia. This man Telworthy whom you met is my husband.

Pim. Your husband! (He looks in mild surprise at听骋别辞谤驳别.) Your--er------

Olivia. My first husband. His death was announced six years ago. I had left him some years before that, but there seems no doubt from your story that he's still alive. His record--the country he comes from--above all, the very unusual name--Telworthy.

Pim. Telworthy--yes--certainly a most peculiar name. I remember saying so. Your first husband? Dear me! Dear me!

George. You understand, Mr. Pim, that all this is in absolute confidence.

笔颈尘听(turning to聽George). Of course, of course.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(pulling his arm, trying to attract his attention). Well, since he is my husband, we naturally want to know something about him. Where is he now, for instance?

笔颈尘听(surprised and turning to聽Olivia). Where is he now? But surely I told you? I told you what happened at Marseilles?

George. At Marseilles?

笔颈尘听(to聽George). Yes, yes, poor fellow, it was most unfortunate. (To聽Lady Marden.听翱濒颈惫颈补听again pulls his arm, trying to attract his attention.) You must understand, Lady Marden, that although I had met the poor fellow before in Australia, I was never in any way intimate------

骋别辞谤驳别听(thumping the desk). Where is he聽now, that's what we want to know?

(Mr. Pim聽turns to him with a start.)

Olivia. Please, Mr. Pim!

笔颈尘听(to聽Olivia). Where is he now? But--but didn't I tell you of the curious fatality at Marseilles--poor fellow--the fish-bone?

All. Fish-bone?

Pim. Yes, yes, a herring, I understand.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(becoming hysterical). Do you mean he's dead?

Pim. Dead--of course he's dead. He's been dead------

翱濒颈惫颈补听(laughing hysterically). Oh, Mr. Pim, you--oh, what a husband to have--oh, I------(But that is all she can say for the moment.)

Lady Marden. Pull yourself together, Olivia. (To听笔颈尘.) So he really is dead this time?

Pim. Oh, undoubtedly, undoubtedly. A fish-bone lodged in his throat.

(Lady Marden聽retreats to settee听搁.听again.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(moving up听颁.听to听尝.听window, trying to realize it). Dead! Dead!

笔颈尘听(rising and turning to听翱濒颈惫颈补,听alarmed at her hysteria). Oh, but, Mrs. Marden!

Olivia. I think you must excuse me, Mr. Pim. (Crossing to听颁.) But a herring! There's something about a herring------

(骋别辞谤驳别听comes quickly to her, very concerned.)

(笔颈尘听is also very concerned.)

(Turning to听骋别辞谤驳别.) Oh, George! (Shaking her head in a weak state of laughter, turns to听搁.听and is about to hurry out of the room towards staircase听搁.)

Quick Curtain.

Act Three

Scene.--The same and furniture exactly as in聽Act II.

(Mr. Pim聽is below settee听尝.听standing in same position as at the end of Act II.聽George Marden聽is in centre of stage and聽Lady Marden聽is at foot of staircase. Their altitude is the same as at the end of Act II, and all are concerned about听翱濒颈惫颈补'蝉听hysteria.)

George. Dead! Dead!

Pim. Oh dear! Oh dear! I'm afraid I broke the news rather hastily. The double shock of losing one husband and being restored to another--

Lady Marden听(coming to聽George). A dispensation of Providence, George. One can regard it in no other light. (Moves to听搁.听of writing-table.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(coming to聽Pim). Yes! Yes! Well, I'm much obliged to you, Mr. Pim, for having come down to us this afternoon, and you understand that your news, though tardy, has been very welcome.聽De Mortuis, and so forth.

(Lady Marden聽crosses at back of writing-table to听尝.)

笔颈尘听(sadly repeating).听De Mortuis--

骋别辞谤驳别听(shaking hands--anxious to get rid of him). Well, good-bye, and again our thanks.

(Crosses below and to听尝.听of听笔颈尘听and rings bell below fireplace.)

笔颈尘听(crossing to centre). Not at all. I shouldn't have broken the news so hastily. (Catches sight of聽Lady Marden聽up听尝.,听and with a profound bow.) Good-bye, Lady Marden.

Lady Marden听(equally profound). Good-bye, Mr. Pim.

Pim. I'm afraid I broke the news too hastily. (Goes to table听叠.颁.听and takes up听骋别辞谤驳别'蝉听cap in mistake for his hat and is moving towards double-doors when听骋别辞谤驳别,听noting this, picks up听笔颈尘'蝉听hat from听尝.听of stage where it has been left from previous听础肠迟,听and crosses with it to听笔颈尘.)

George. Mr. Pim, excuse me, but I think this is yours.

笔颈尘听(he takes it and looks at it closely, comparing it with the cap). This isn't my hat at all. (Puts听骋别辞谤驳别'蝉听cap down on table again.)

No, that isn't my hat. (Takes his own hat from听骋别辞谤驳别.) This is my hat. Good-bye! (Shakes hands.) Thank you so much. (Looking at cap on table.) Oh, no! Oh, no! (Moves nearer to door听搁.) Telworthy... I聽think聽that was the name.

(Exit doors听搁.)

(Lady Marden,聽annoyed at听笔颈尘'蝉听stupidity, comes down to听尝.听of听骋别辞谤驳别.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(turning to聽Lady Marden聽and with a sigh of thankfulness). Well, this is wonderful news, Aunt Julia.

Lady Marden. Most providential. Well, I must be getting along now, George. Say good-bye to Olivia for me.

骋别辞谤驳别听(crossing towards double-doors as if to open them). Good-bye, Aunt Julia.

Lady Marden. No! No! I'll go this way--(going up to听尝.听of writing-table)--and get Olivia out more, George. I don't like these hysterics. (Banging writing-table.) You want to be firmer with her.

George. Yes! Yes! Good-bye.

Lady Marden听(going off up听尝.). Good-bye.

骋别辞谤驳别听(back again down centre and with great thankfulness). Dead! Dead! (Moves down to below settee听尝.)

(翱濒颈惫颈补听enters from staircase, watching him and coming quietly to听颁.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(approaching her enthusiastically). Olivia! Olivia! (Is about to embrace her, but she restrains him.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(drawing herself up). Mrs. Telworthy!

骋别辞谤驳别听(taken aback). What? Olivia! I--I don't understand.

Olivia. Well, darling, if my husband only died at Marseilles a few days ago------

骋别辞谤驳别听(scratching his head). Yes, I see--I see. Well, we can soon put that right. (Moving to听尝.) A registry office in London. Better go up this afternoon. We can't do these things too quickly--we can stay at an hotel.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(pointedly). You and Mrs. Telworthy! (Moves slowly round back of settee听尝.)

(骋别辞谤驳别听moves to centre.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(nonplussed). Oh--er--yes--yes--perhaps I'd better stay at my Club--yes! It will be a bit awkward at first. (With a sigh of relief.) However, nobody need know, and how much better than what we feared!

(翱濒颈惫颈补听comes down to below settee听尝.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(advancing to embrace her). Olivia! Olivia!

(She repulses him and he crosses to her听尝.)

Olivia. Mrs. Telworthy!

George. Yes--yes, I know, but why do you keep on saying it? What's the matter with you? You're so strange to-day. You're not like the Olivia I know.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(sits on settee to听搁.). Perhaps you don't know me so very well, after all.

骋别辞谤驳别听(sitting--affectionately to her听尝.). Oh, that's nonsense--old girl. You're just my Olivia. Now we can get married again quietly and nobody will be any the worse.

Olivia. Married again! Oh, I see, you want me to marry you at a registry office to-morrow?

George. If we can arrange it by then. (Rising and crossing below听翱濒颈惫颈补听to centre.) I don't know how long these things take, but I should imagine there would be no difficulty.

Olivia. Oh, no, I think that part of it ought to be quite聽easy. But--(She hesitates.)

George. But what?

Olivia. Well, if you want to marry me to-morrow, George, oughtn't you to propose to me first?

骋别辞谤驳别听(amazed). Propose?

Olivia. Yes. It is usual, isn't it, to propose to a person before you marry her? And--and we want to do the usual thing, don't we?

骋别辞谤驳别听(upset). But you--I mean we--

Olivia. You are George Marden, I am Olivia Telworthy, you are attracted by me and think I would make you a good wife, and you want to marry me--very well, then, naturally you propose to me first.

骋别辞谤驳别听(falling into the humour of it, as he thinks, and with a hearty laugh moves to below stool听尝.颁.). The baby! Did she want to be proposed to all over again?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(coyly). Well, she did rather.

骋别辞谤驳别听(rather fancying himself as an actor, he adopts what he considers to be an appropriate attitude). She shall then. Er--ah, Mrs. Telworthy, I have long admired you in silence, and the time has now come to put my admiration into words (but apparently he finds a difficulty)--er--er--

翱濒颈惫颈补听(looking up at him quizzically and prompting him into words; repeating). I--I--(Looking down coyly.) Oh, Mr. Marden!

(骋别辞谤驳别听roars with laughter and crosses to centre.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(returning to her). Olivia--er--may I call you Olivia?

Olivia. Yes, George.

(翱濒颈惫颈补听puts out her hand and听骋别辞谤驳别听notices it.)

George. I beg your pardon! Oh, I see. (Taking her hand in his he gives it a good slap and she winces.) Olivia, I--(Hesitates.)

Olivia. I don't want to interrupt, but oughtn't you to be on your knees? It is--usual, I believe.

George. Really, Olivia, you must allow me to manage my own proposal in my own way.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(meekly--and resuming her coyness). I'm sorry. Do go on.

George. Well--er--confound it, Olivia, I love you. Will you marry me?

Olivia. Thank you, George, I will think it over.

骋别辞谤驳别听(laughing). Silly girl. (Pats her on the shoulder and crosses to听搁.) Well, then, to-morrow morning. No wedding cake, I'm afraid, Olivia. (He laughs again and moves up centre.) But we'll go and have a good lunch somewhere.

Olivia. I will think it over, George.

骋别辞谤驳别听(good-humouredly and coming down to back of settee to her听搁.). Well, give me a kiss while you're thinking.

Olivia. I'm afraid you mustn't kiss me until we are actually engaged.

骋别辞谤驳别听(laughing uneasily, and sitting and leaning over on table听尝.颁.听towards聽Olivia). Oh, we needn't take it as seriously as all that.

Olivia. But a woman must take a proposal seriously.

骋别辞谤驳别听(a little alarmed at last). What do you mean?

Olivia. Well, what I mean is that the whole question--(with a sly look at聽George)--as I heard somebody say once, demands much more anxious thought than either of us has given it. These hasty marriages------

骋别辞谤驳别听(rising and crossing at back of听翱濒颈惫颈补听round settee and to听尝.听of聽Olivia). Hasty!

Olivia. Well, you've only just proposed to me, and you want me to marry you to-morrow.

George. Now you're talking perfect nonsense, Olivia. You know quite well that our case is utterly different from--well--from any other.

Olivia. All the same, one must ask oneself questions. With a young girl like--well, with a young girl--love may well seem to be all that matters. But with a woman of my age it is different. I have to ask myself whether you can afford to support a wife.

George. You know perfectly well that I can afford to support a wife as my wife should be supported.

Olivia. Oh, I am glad. Then your income--you are not really worried about that at all?

骋别辞谤驳别听(stiffly). You know perfectly well what my income is. I see no reason for anxiety, in the future.

Olivia. Ah, very well, then we needn't think about it any more.

George. You know I can't make out what you're up to. (Sits to her听尝.听on settee.) Don't you want to get married--to--er--legalize this extraordinary situation in which we are placed?

Olivia. I must consider the whole question very carefully. I can't just jump at the very first offer I have had since my husband died. (Rising and crossing to centre.)

George. Oh, so I'm under consideration, eh?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(moving up听搁.颁.). Every suitor is.

George. Oh, very well, go on! Go on!

Olivia. Well then, there's your niece. You have a niece living with you. Of course Dinah is a delightful girl, but one doesn't like marrying into a household where there's another grown-up woman. But perhaps she will be getting married herself soon.

George. I see no prospect of it.

Olivia. It would make it so much easier, George, if she did.

骋别辞谤驳别听(rising). Is this a threat, Olivia? (Crossing up to听翱濒颈惫颈补.) Are you telling me that if I do not allow young Strange to marry Dinah, you will not marry me?

Olivia. A threat? Oh, no, George. But I was just wondering if you love me as much as Brian loves Dinah. You do love me?

骋别辞谤驳别听(from his heart). Of course I do, old girl.

Olivia. You're sure it's not just my pretty face that attracts you. Love which is based upon mere outward appearances cannot result in lasting happiness--as one of our thinkers has observed. (Moving down to settee听搁.)

George. Why should you doubt my love? You can't pretend that we haven't been happy together. (翱濒颈惫颈补听sits on settee听搁.) I've--(taking a chair from听尝.听of table听搁.颁.听brings it down to听尝.听of聽Olivia) I've been a good pal to you, eh? We--we suit each other, old girl.

Olivia. Do we?

骋别辞谤驳别听(sitting). Well, of course we do.

Olivia. I wonder. When two people of our age think of getting married, one wants to be quite sure that there is real community of ideas between them. Supposing that after we have been married some years we found ourselves getting estranged from each other upon such questions as Dinah's future, or the comparatively trivial matter like the right colour for a curtain, or the advice to be given to a friend who had innocently contracted a bigamous marriage. Think how bitterly we should regret our hasty plunge into a matrimony which was no true partnership, whether of tastes or ideas or even of consciences. (With a sigh.) Ah me!

骋别辞谤驳别听(turning to her quickly). Unfortunately for your argument, Olivia, I can answer you out of your own mouth. You seem to have--(laughing)--forgotten what you said this morning in the case of--er--young Strange.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(with exaggerated reproach). Oh, but is it quite fair, George, to drag up聽what was said this morning?

骋别辞谤驳别听(enjoying his apparent success). Ha ha! You've brought it on yourself.

Olivia. I?... Well, and what did I say this morning?

George. You said that it was quite enough that Strange was a gentleman and in love with Dinah for me to let them marry each other.

Olivia. Oh! But is that enough, George?

骋别辞谤驳别听(triumphantly). Well, you said so.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(meekly). Well, George, if you think so too, I'm quite willing to risk it.

骋别辞谤驳别听(kindly, rising and putting back chair up听搁.颁.). Ha ha, my dear! You see!

Olivia. Then you聽do聽think it's enough?

George. I--er--yes, yes, I--I think so.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(rising and going to him and putting her hands on his shoulders). My darling one! How jolly! Then we can have a double wedding.

骋别辞谤驳别听(astonished). A double one!

Olivia. Yes, you and me, Brian and Dinah.

骋别辞谤驳别听(firmly, and taking her hands from his shoulders). Now look here, Olivia, understand once and for all, I am not to be blackmailed into giving my consent to Dinah's engagement. Neither blackmailed nor tricked. (Crossing to听尝.听below settee.) Our marriage has nothing whatever to do with Dinah's.

Olivia. No, dear, I quite understand. They may take place about the same time, but they have nothing whatever to do with each other.

骋别辞谤驳别听(sits on foot of table听尝.颁.). I see no prospect of Dinah's marriage taking place for many years.

Olivia. No, dear, that was what I said.

骋别辞谤驳别听(not understanding for the moment). You said------? I see. (Turning and facing her.) Now look here, Olivia, let us have this perfectly clear. You apparently insist on treating my--er--proposal as serious.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(mock surprise). But isn't it? Have you been trifling with me?

George. You know perfectly well what I mean. You treat it as an ordinary proposal for a man to a woman who have never been anything to each other before. Very well then, will you kindly tell me what you propose to do if you decide to--ah--accept me? You do not suggest that we should go on living together--unmarried?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(shocked). Of course not, George!! What would--(pausing for additional explanation)--the County--I mean Heaven--I mean the Law--I mean--of course not. Besides, it's so unnecessary. If I decide to accept you, of聽course聽I shall marry you.

George. Quite so. And if you--ah--decide to refuse me, what will you do?

Olivia. Nothing.

George. Meaning by that?

Olivia. Just that, George. I shall stay here--just as before.

(骋别辞谤驳别听rises and approaches her, about to expostulate.)

I like this house. (Crossing below听骋别辞谤驳别,听looking about the room to below settee听尝.) It wants a little redecorating, but I do like it, George... Yes, I shall be perfectly happy here! (Sits on settee.)

George. I see. You will continue to live down here--in spite of what you said just now about the--the immorality of it.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(surprised). But what is there immoral in a widow living alone in a big country house--with perhaps the niece of a dear friend of hers--staying with her to keep her company.

骋别辞谤驳别听(sarcastic). Oh, and pray what shall I be doing when you've so very kindly taken possession of my house for me?

Olivia. You! Oh, I can't聽think! Travelling, I expect.

骋别辞谤驳别听(indignant and advancing to her). Thank you! And suppose I refuse to be turned out of my own house?

Olivia. Then, seeing that we can't both be in it, it looks as though you'd have to turn me out. (To herself.) There must be legal ways of doing these things. You'd have to consult your solicitor again.

George. Legal ways?

Olivia. Well, you couldn't just throw me out, could you? You'd have to get an injunction against me--

(骋别辞谤驳别,听very annoyed, turns away.)

--or prosecute me for trespass--or something. Of course I shouldn't go if I could help it, I like the house so much.... It would make an awfully unusual case, wouldn't it? The papers would be full of it.

George. The papers!

翱濒颈惫颈补听(calling as paper boy). Extra special! Widow of well-known ex-convict takes possession of J.P.'s house! Special! Special!

骋别辞谤驳别听(angrily). I've had enough of this. (Coming to table听尝.颁.听and speaking across.) Do you mean all this nonsense?

Olivia. Well, what I聽do听尘别补苍听is, that I am in no hurry to go up to London and get married. I love the country just now, and--(with a sigh)--after this morning, I'm--rather tired of husbands.

骋别辞谤驳别听(in a rage). I've never heard so much--damned (bangs table) ... nonsense in my life.聽I will leave you to come back to your senses.

(He goes out, up staircase up听搁.)

(翱濒颈惫颈补听rises and crosses to centre, watching听骋别辞谤驳别听off. She kisses her hands to him, then turning to听尝.听sees curtains and work-box and extending her arms in ecstasy goes to cabinet, takes them up and comes down聽L.听翱濒颈惫颈补听sits on settee with curtains in her lap and places the work-box to her听尝.听on settee, and as she does so聽Mr. Pim聽enters from up听搁.听through windows and coming to听搁.听of writing-table taps it with his umbrella to attract听翱濒颈惫颈补'蝉听attention. She turns and sees him. He looks nervously round at staircase听搁.听fearing the return of听骋别辞谤驳别.)

笔颈尘听(in a whisper). Er--may I come in, Mrs. Marden?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(in surprise). Mr. Pim!

笔颈尘听(anxiously and again looking round at staircase). Mr. Marden is--er--not here?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(getting up). No! Do you want to see him? I will------

笔颈尘听(another look round at staircase and moving down centre). No, no, no! Not for the world. There is no immediate danger of his returning, Mrs. Marden?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(surprised). No, I don't think so, Mr. Pim. (Puts down curtains). But... what is it? You------

Pim. I took the liberty of returning by the window in the hope of finding you alone.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(sitting again). Yes?

笔颈尘听(still rather nervous and throwing up his arms in distress). Mr. Marden will be so angry with me, and very rightly. Oh, I blame myself. I blame myself entirely. I don't know how I can have been so stupid. (Sits on stool听尝.颁.听very concerned).

Olivia. What is it, Mr. Pim? My first husband hasn't come to life again, has he?

Pim. No! No! No! (Looking round to听搁.听and speaking very mysteriously across table听尝.颁.) The fact is--his name was Pelwittle.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(at a loss). Whose? My husband's?

Pim. Yes, yes. Henry Pelwittle, poor fellow.

Olivia. But聽my聽husband's name was Telworthy.

Pim. No! Oh dear, no! Pelwittle. (Firmly.) It came back to me suddenly just as I reached the gate--Henry Pelwittle, poor fellow.

Olivia. But really, Mr. Pim, I ought to know.

Pim. No! No! Pelwittle.

Olivia. But who is Pelwittle?

笔颈尘听(in surprise at her stupidity). The man I told you about, who met with the sad fatality at Marseilles. Henry Pelwittle.... (With hand on chin, thinking deeply.) Or was it聽Ernest? No!聽Henry聽Pelwittle, poor fellow.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(indignantly). But, Mr. Pim, you said his name was Telworthy. How could you?

Pim. Oh, I blame myself, I blame myself entirely.

Olivia. But how could you聽think聽of a name like Telworthy if it wasn't Telworthy?

笔颈尘听(eagerly). Ah, ah, that is the really interesting thing about the whole matter.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(reproachfully). Yes, Mr. Pim, all your visits here to-day have been very interesting.

Pim. Oh, very interesting, very interesting, You see, Mrs. Marden, when I made my first appearance here this morning I was received by--Miss Diana, who------

Olivia. Dinah!

Pim. I beg your pardon?

Olivia. Dinah. Her name is Dinah!

笔颈尘听(pauses). You're quite right. Dinah--oh yes. Miss Dinah, yes. She was in--er--rather a communicative mood, and I suppose by way of passing the time she mentioned that before your marriage--to Mr. Marden you had been a Mrs.--er------

Olivia. Telworthy.

Pim. Telworthy, yes, of course. She also mentioned Australia. Now by some curious process of the brain--which strikes me as decidedly curious--when I was trying to recollect--the name of the poor fellow on the boat, whom you will remember I had also met in Australia, the fact that this other name was also stored in my memory, a name equally peculiar--this fact I say------

翱濒颈惫颈补听(seeing that the sentence is rapidly going to pieces). Yes, I quite understand.

Pim. I blame myself, I blame myself entirely.

Olivia. Oh, you mustn't do that, Mr. Pim.

Pim. Oh, but, Mrs. Marden, can you forgive me for the needless distress I have caused you to-day?

Olivia. Oh, you mustn't worry about that, please.

Pim. And you will tell your husband--you'll break the news to him?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(amazed). Oh, yes! I'll break the聽news聽to him.

笔颈尘听(rising and holding out his hand). Well then, I think before he comes back I will say good-bye and--er------

翱濒颈惫颈补听(rising). Just a moment, Mr. Pim. Let us have it quite clear this time. You never knew my husband Jacob Telworthy?

Pim. No!

Olivia. You never met him in Australia?

Pim. No!

Olivia. You never saw him on the boat?

Pim. No!

Olivia. And nothing聽whatever happened to him at Marseilles?

Pim. No!

Olivia. Is that right?

笔颈尘听(hesitating and thinking it out very deeply). I think so.

Olivia. Very well, then, since his death was announced in Australia six years ago, he is presumably still dead?

Pim. Undoubtedly.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(holding out her hand with a charming smile). Then good-bye, Mr. Pim, and thank you so much for--for all your trouble.

Pim聽Not at all, Mrs. Marden. I blame myself, I blame myself entirely.

Olivia聽Oh! You mustn't do that.

(Going up centre听笔颈尘听meets听顿颈苍补丑,听who enters from the window up L., crosses at back of writing-table and comes down R. of him).

(顿颈苍补丑听is followed by聽Brian, who is on her R.).

Dinah聽Hullo, there's Mr. Pim. (To听叠搁滨础狈.)

笔颈尘听(nervously looking at the door in case聽MR. MARDEN聽should come in). Yes, yes I---er---

Dinah聽Oh, Mr. Pim, you mustn't run away without even saying how-do-you-do! Are you staying to tea?

笔颈尘听(looking off at staircase nervously). I'm afraid I---

Olivia聽Mr. Pim has to hurry away, Dinah. You mustn't keep him.

Dinah聽Well, but you'll come back again?

Pim聽I fear that I am only a passer-by, Miss---er---Dinah.

Olivia聽You can take Mr. Pim as far as the gate.

笔颈尘听(gratefully to聽Olivia). Thank you. (With nervous look at staircase R., he edges towards the windows.) If you would be so kind, Miss Dinah---.

顿颈苍补丑听(taking his arm). Come along then, Mr. Pim.

叠谤颈补苍听I'll catch you up.

顿颈苍补丑听(taking him up L.). I want to hear all about your first wife.

Pim聽Oh, but I haven't got a first wife.

Dinah.聽You haven't really told me anything yet.

(They go off up L.)

叠谤颈补苍听I'll catch you up.

(翱濒颈惫颈补听resumes her work, and听叠谤颈补苍听crosses down to foot of table L.C., and sits on it.)

叠谤颈补苍听(awkwardly). I just wanted to say, if you don't think it cheek, that I'm---I'm on your side, if I may be and if I can help you at all, I shall be very proud of being allowed to.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(looking up at him and taking his hand). Brian, you dear, that's sweet of you. But it's quite all right now, you know.

叠谤颈补苍听What?

翱濒颈惫颈补.听Yes, that's what Mr. Pim came back to say. He'd made a mistake about the name---

叠谤颈补苍听(rising). Good Lord!

翱濒颈惫颈补听(smiling). George is the only husband I have.

叠谤颈补苍听(surprised). What? You mean that the whole thing that Pim---

翱濒颈惫颈补听(repeating). The whole thing.

叠谤颈补苍听(crossing up to window R. and shouting off to L. and with conviction). Silly ass!

翱濒颈惫颈补听(kindly). Oh, no, no, I'm sure he didn't mean to be. (After a pause.) Brian, do you know anything about the law?

叠谤颈补苍听(coming down听颁.). The law? I'm afraid not. I hate the law. Why? (Sits at foot of table听尝.颁.)

Olivia. Well, I was just wondering. Suppose that George and I had accidentally married each other a second time thinking that the first marriage wasn't quite right, and then we found the first marriage was all right--well------

Brian. What on earth do you mean?

Olivia. Well, what I mean is that there's nothing wrong in marrying the same person twice?

叠谤颈补苍听(rising and moving to centre, thinking it out). Oh, no. A hundred times if you like, I should think.

Olivia. Oh!

Brian. After all, in France they always go through it twice, don't they? Once before the Mayor or somebody, and once in church.

Olivia. Of course they do! How silly of me. You know, that's a very good idea. They ought to do that more in England.

Brian. Well, once will be enough for Dinah and me, if you can work it. (Anxiously.) D'you think there's any chance, Olivia?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(smiling). Every chance, dear.

叠谤颈补苍听(coming to above table听尝.颁.). I say, do you really? Have you squared him? I mean has he------

(骋别辞谤驳别听is heard humming the tune of "Pop goes the weasel" off听搁.)

Olivia. You go and catch them up now. We'll talk about it later on.

Brian. Bless you. Right-o!

(Going up听尝.听and off up听尝.)

(As he goes out by the windows,听骋别辞谤驳别听comes in at the doors听搁.听骋别辞谤驳别听stands听搁.颁.,听and then turns to听翱濒颈惫颈补,听who is absorbed in her curtain. He walks up and down the room, fidgeting with things, waiting for her to speak. As she says nothing, he begins to talk himself, but in an obviously unconcerned way. There is a pause after each answer of hers, before he gets out his next remark.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(casually). Good-looking fellow, Strange. What?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(equally casually). Brian, yes, isn't he? And such a nice boy.

George. Yes, yes! (Catching sight of curtain she is sewing. Hums the tune of "Pop goes the weasel"--crossing down听搁.听to piano, plays a few notes of "Pop goes the weasel" with one finger.) Got fifty pounds for a picture the other day, didn't he? (Moving up stage a little.)

Olivia. Ah, yes! Of course he has only just begun------

George. The critics think well of him, (Slight pause.) What?

(Up C. by chair front of writing-table.)

Olivia. They all say he has genius. Oh, I don't think there's any doubt about it. (Pause.)

(骋别辞谤驳别听left of writing-table.)

George. No, no! (Slight pause, and he sings again.) Of course I don't profess to know anything about painting, myself.

Olivia. You've never had time to take it up, dear.

骋别辞谤驳别听(coming down听尝.听a little.) No! No! Of course I know what I like. Can't say I see much in this new-fangled stuff. If a man can paint, why can't he paint like--like Rubens, or--or Reynolds, or------

Olivia. I suppose we all have our own styles. Brian will be finding his, directly. Of course, he's only just beginning. (Pause.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(crossing up centre). Yes, yes. But the critics think a lot of him, what?

Olivia. Oh, yes.

George. Yes! H'm! (Pause.) Good-looking fellow.

(There is rather a longer silence this time.听骋别辞谤驳别听coming round back of settee L. continues to hope that he is appearing casual and unconcerned--he stands looking at听翱濒颈惫颈补'蝉听work for a moment.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(down听尝.). Nearly finished 'em?

Olivia. Very nearly. (Smiling to herself, turns away to R., pretending to look for scissors.) Have you seen my scissors anywhere?

骋别辞谤驳别听(looking round). Scissors?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(turns to听尝.听and finds them in her work-box). It's all right, here they are------

骋别辞谤驳别听(down听尝.听below chair facing聽Olivia). Where are you thinking of hanging 'em?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(as if really wondering). I don't quite know.... I聽had聽thought of this room, but--I'm not quite sure.

骋别辞谤驳别听(crossing below听翱濒颈惫颈补听to centre). Ah! Yes! Brighten the room up a bit.

Olivia. Yes.

骋别辞谤驳别听(walking up centre a little towards windows). H'm, yes------They are a bit faded.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(shaking out hers, and looking at them critically). You know, sometimes I think I love them, and sometimes I'm not quite sure.

George. Best way is to hang 'em up and see how you like 'em. Always take 'em down again.

Olivia. Oh, that's a good idea, George.

George. Best way.

Olivia. Yes.... I think we might try that--(looking round at settee and carpets, etc.)--the only thing is--(She hesitates.)

George. What?

Olivia. Well, the carpets and the chair-covers and the cushions and things--

George. Well, what about 'em?

Olivia. Well, if we had new curtains--

George. You'd want a new carpet, eh?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(doubtfully). Well,聽new chair-covers, anyhow.

George. H'm!... Well, why not?

Olivia. Oh, but--

骋别辞谤驳别听(with an awkward laugh). We're not so hard up as all that, you know.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(quickly). No, I don't suppose we are really--

George. No, no, no, yes--I mean no.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(thoughtfully). I suppose it would mean that I should have to go up to London to choose them. You know, that's rather a nuisance.

骋别辞谤驳别听(extremely casual and moving towards聽Olivia). Oh, I don't know. We might go up together one day.

Olivia. Well, of course if we聽were聽up--for anything else--

骋别辞谤驳别听(moving away dubiously). Yes, yes! That's what I meant.

(There is another silence.听骋别辞谤驳别听is wondering whether to come to closer quarters with the great question.)

Olivia. Oh, by the way, George--

George. Yes?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(innocently). I told Brian, and of course he'll tell Dinah, that Mr. Pim had made a mistake about the name.

骋别辞谤驳别听(astonished, moving towards聽Olivia). Mistake about the name?

Olivia. Yes--I told Brian that the whole thing was a mistake, I thought that was the simplest way.

George. Olivia--(crossing below and to her听尝.)--then you mean that Brian and Dinah think that--that we have been married all the time?

Olivia. Yes.

骋别辞谤驳别听(coming closer to her). Olivia, does that mean that you are thinking of marrying me?

Olivia. At your old registry office?

骋别辞谤驳别听(eagerly). Yes!

Olivia. To-morrow?

George. Yes.

Olivia. Do you want me to very much?

George. My darling, you know I do.

Olivia. We should have to keep it very quiet, George.

George. Well, of course--(sitting to her听尝.)--nobody need know. We don't want anybody to know. And now that you've put Brian and Dinah off the scent, by telling them that--(he breaks off and says admiringly)--that was very clever of you, Olivia. I should never have thought of that.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(innocently). George--you don't think it was聽wrong, do you?

骋别辞谤驳别听(his verdict, taking her hands and patting them). An innocent deception... perfectly harmless.

Olivia. Yes, dear, that was what I thought about--about--(laughing to herself) what I was doing.

George. Then you will come up to London to-morrow?

(She nods.)

And if we should see a carpet or anything else we want------

Olivia. Oh, George!

骋别辞谤驳别听(beaming, rising and backing away to听尝.听a little). And lunch at the Carlton, what?

翱濒颈惫颈补听(nodding eagerly). Oh!

George. And--and a bit of a honeymoon in Paris?

Olivia. Oh, what fun!

骋别辞谤驳别听(hungrily). Give me a kiss, old girl.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(lovingly). George!

(She holds up her cheek to him. He kisses it, and then suddenly takes her in his arms.)

George. Don't ever leave me, old girl.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(affectionately). Don't ever send me away, old boy.

骋别辞谤驳别听(fervently). I won't. (Awkwardly.) I--I don't think I聽should have聽really, you know. I--I------

(顿颈苍补丑听enters from up听尝.听and crosses at back of writing-table and round down听搁.听叠谤颈补苍听follows her.)

顿颈苍补丑听(seeing the embrace, surprised). Oo--I say!

(骋别辞谤驳别听looks and feels rather a fool.)

George. Hallo!

(翱濒颈惫颈补听sits, resumes sewing.)

顿颈苍补丑听(coming down centre and going below settee听尝.,听impetuously to him). Give me one, too, George. Brian won't mind.

骋别辞谤驳别听(formally, but enjoying it). Do you mind, Mr. Strange?

叠谤颈补苍听(a little uncomfortable). Oh, I say, sir------

George. We'll risk it, Dinah. (He kisses her.)

顿颈苍补丑听(triumphantly to听叠谤颈补苍听and standing above聽George). Did you notice that one? That wasn't just an ordinary affectionate kiss. That was a special "bless you my children" one. (To听骋别辞谤驳别.) Wasn't it?

Olivia. You do talk nonsense, darling.

顿颈苍补丑听(crossing quickly below and to听搁.听of聽Brian). Well, I'm so happy now that Pim has relented about your first husband--(骋别辞谤驳别听catches听翱濒颈惫颈补'蝉听eye and smiles; she smiles back; but they are different smiles.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(the actor). Yes, yes, stupid fellow, Pim, what?

Brian. Yes. Absolute idiot, I think!

Dinah. And now that George has relented about--(with a significant look at听叠谤颈补苍)--my聽first husband------

George. Here, you get on much too quickly. (Crossing below听翱濒颈惫颈补听to听叠谤颈补苍.) So you want to marry my Dinah, eh?

叠谤颈补苍听(with a smile). Well, I do rather, sir.

骋别辞谤驳别听(to聽Brian). Well, you'd better have a talk with me about it--er--(with a sly look at听翱濒颈惫颈补)--叠谤颈补苍.

Brian. Thank you very much, sir.

(骋别辞谤驳别听goes up and听叠谤颈补苍,听imitating his walk, accompanies him.)

George. Well, come along then. (叠谤颈补苍听looks at his watch.) I am going up to town after tea, so we'd better------

顿颈苍补丑听(moving up to听搁.听of聽Brian). I say, are you going to London?

骋别辞谤驳别听(with a sly look at聽Olivia). Yes, a little business.

顿颈苍补丑听(cheekily). Eh?

George. Never you mind, young woman. (To听叠谤颈补苍.) Come along, we'll stroll down and look at the pigs.

Brian. Right-o!

(They are going off to听尝.听when听翱濒颈惫颈补听calls.)

Olivia. George, don't go too far away; I may want you.

George. All right! I'll be out on the terrace. Give me a shout if you want me.

(骋别辞谤驳别听and听叠谤颈补苍听go off at windows up听尝.)

(顿颈苍补丑听follows up听搁.听and watches them off.)

顿颈苍补丑听(watching them off). Brian and George always discuss me in front of the pigs. So tactless of them. I say, are you going to London, too, darling? (Coming down to table听尝.颁.)

Olivia. To-morrow------(Rising and shaking out curtains.)

Dinah. What are you going to do in London?

Olivia. Oh, shopping and--one or two little things.

Dinah. With George?

Olivia. Yes. (Crossing up centre below听顿颈苍补丑听with curtains.)

顿颈苍补丑听(sits on table听尝.颁.). I say, wasn't it lovely about Pim?

Olivia. Lovely?

Dinah. Yes, he told me all about it. Making such a hash of things, I mean.

翱濒颈惫颈补听(innocently). Did he make a hash of things?

Dinah. Well, I mean keeping on coming like that. And if you look at it all round--well, for all he had to say, he needn't have come at all.

Olivia. Well, I don't think I should put it quite like that, Dinah.

顿颈苍补丑听(referring to curtains). I say, aren't they jolly?

Olivia. I'm so glad everybody likes them. Tell George I'm ready, dear.

Dinah. I say, is聽he聽going to put them up for you?

Olivia. Well, I thought perhaps he could reach better.

Dinah. All right, I'll tell him. (Crossing up听尝.听on to terrace and calling off.) George! (Returning to back听尝.听end of writing-table.) Brian is just telling George about the five shillings he has in the Post Office--(crossing up听尝.听on to terrace again and calling off.) George!!

骋别辞谤驳别听(from off听尝.). Coming!

顿颈苍补丑听(playfully coming down centre, imitating a fairy's footsteps). Slow music while the curtains go up. (Sits at piano and plays "As I passed by your Window.")

(骋别辞谤驳别听enters from up听尝.,听followed by听叠谤颈补苍.)

骋别辞谤驳别听(to聽Olivia). What is it, darling?

Olivia. I wish you'd help me to put up these curtains?

George. Of course, dear. I'd better get the library steps. (Crosses to doors R. and exits.)

(叠谤颈补苍听goes quickly to听翱濒颈惫颈补听and gratefully kisses her hand, then comes down to听顿颈苍补丑听and bows to her.)

Brian. Madam! I have the honour to inform you that hence-forward you are at liberty to regard me as your affianced husband.

顿颈苍补丑听(rising quickly and advancing). Darling!

叠谤颈补苍听(waving her back). No! No! Stay there! (She retreats and sits at piano.) Go on playing.

(顿颈苍补丑听goes on playing and he takes out a sketch-book, sits on settee and sketches her.)

Dinah. What is it?

(翱濒颈惫颈补听comes down centre, watching them.)

Brian. Portrait of Lady Strange.

(骋别辞谤驳别听enters from doors听搁.听with steps and crossing up R. places them near听搁.听window.)

翱濒颈惫颈补听(she hands him the curtains and goes up L. of writing table and round back, watching聽George). Are you ready, dear?

骋别辞谤驳别听(mounting the steps). Yes, quite ready.

Olivia. There! (The curtains become entangled and he nearly falls.) Oh, take care, dear!

骋别辞谤驳别听(again mounting steps). Oh, that's all right, dear. They're a little long. (The curtains become entangled round his head.)

(Mr. Pim聽enters mysteriously from up听尝.)

(翱濒颈惫颈补听is looking up at听骋别辞谤驳别.)

(笔颈尘听touches her on the shoulder and with a start she turns to him.听顿颈苍补丑听seeing him enter stops playing.聽Olivia, unwilling to attract听骋别辞谤驳别'蝉听attention, signals to听顿颈苍补丑听to continue playing, and, she does so.)

Pim. Mrs. Marden! I聽had聽to come back--I've just remembered his name was聽Ernest听笔辞濒飞颈迟迟濒别--苍辞迟听Henry! (Going off up听尝.) Not Henry!

(顿颈苍补丑听plays forte.)

Quick Curtain.

Back to Guide

星空娱乐官网

Show Guides

Monologues from Plays

Scenes from Plays

Theatre Characters

Audition Songs

Playwrights & Composers

星空娱乐官网 Distance Learning Hub

Teaching or learning remotely? Here are some of our favorite resources to help maximize theatre e-learning and enjoyment.

Find:

Mr. Pim Passes By

Play

Writers: A.A. Milne

Act One

Act Two

Act Three

Auditions & Jobs

星空娱乐官网

Show Guides

Monologues from Plays

Scenes from Plays

Theatre Characters

Audition Songs

Playwrights & Composers

星空娱乐官网 Distance Learning Hub

Teaching or learning remotely? Here are some of our favorite resources to help maximize theatre e-learning and enjoyment.

Find:

Mr. Pim Passes By

Play

Writers: A.A. Milne

Auditions & Jobs

Oops! This page is only accessible by 星空娱乐官网 Pro members.

Take your performing arts career to the next level