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Yeah. Yeah I do... I do feel old. I do wear black.

Sometimes I don鈥檛. You know. Sometimes I feel young! Too young almost. Like, you know when you鈥檙e outside? In the world, and you feel like a baby still? Like you have all of these lessons that you鈥檝e learned and these patterns that you鈥檝e drawn but sometimes, the pattern doesn鈥檛 work anymore! You know? You get some鈥攐ther equation you鈥檝e never seen. And you have to start all over again. And you鈥檙e a baby again.

I don鈥檛 know... it鈥檚 hard to just... let go and... Like, when I was a kid, I used to get laughed at and beaten up and pushed into a corner鈥攃onstantly鈥� until one day my brothers locked me in a closet...

And they left me in there for hours, like, laughing at me and watching tv鈥� this dark closet鈥� and at first I kicked and cried and beat at the door鈥攗ntil I was about to explode! Like my lungs were gonna pop!鈥擨 kicked and cried and beat it up until I got tired, and then I got scared, because it was dark, too, and quiet now, but when it was time to scream again, because I had all my air back, I thought, 鈥榳hy? Like what鈥檚 the point?鈥�

So I just stood there for a while. And then I wasn鈥檛 scared. I had myself, you know. And that was all I needed. Like when you were up here! I saw it while you sang your song.

...So I鈥檓 in there, and it鈥檚 completely dark, and I hear my brothers calling my name, trying to get me to say something or beat at the door again, and I was like, 鈥榥ope. Not today. I鈥檓 fine.鈥� And they get all worked up and then angry, like I had done something to them! So they come over鈥擜nd then鈥�... and then they came to the door and listened for a while鈥�... and they turned the knob like I was a ghost or something, and I came out鈥� and I came out calmly, like鈥攖otally straight faced, and I said鈥擨 said... sorry鈥�

Oh my god I鈥檓 so sorry鈥攎y contact is coming out of my eye right now. Oh my god this is so awkward! holy sh#t...f#ck.

She closes her eyes tight.

鈥業 don鈥檛 love you and I will never love you again.鈥�

She opens them.

There it is. Phew!

Pause

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