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Start: This was my last day of work. We had been told that Christmas Eve would be slow but this was the busiest I’d ever seen it, the chaos a week’s worth of training had prepared us for -- twenty-three thousand desperate people behaving as though they were trying to board the last train out of town.

[... ... ...]

End: Many elves complained but the rest of us found ourselves in the moment we’d been waiting for. It was us against them, time to be a trouper and I surrendered completely.

For full extended monologue, please refer to clips or the script edition cited here: Mantello, Joe, and Sedaris, David. The Santaland Diaries. Dramatists Play Service, New York, NY. 1998. p. 32.