ÐÇ¿ÕÓéÀÖ¹ÙÍø

Start: Today I worked as an Exit Elf, telling people in a loud voice, “THIS WAY OUT OF SANTALAND.� A woman was standing at one of the cash registers paying for her pictures, while her son lay beneath her, kicking and heaving, having a tantrum.

[... ... ...]

End: I said, “He’s going to take your car and your furniture and all the towels and blankets and leave you with nothing.� The woman said, “No, that’s enough, really.�

For full extended monologue, please refer to clips or the script edition cited here: Mantello, Joe, and Sedaris, David. The Santaland Diaries. Dramatists Play Service, New York, NY. 1998. p. 28.