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Start: I have spent the last several day...

The Santaland Diaries

Crumpet

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Start: I have spent the last several days sitting in a crowded, windowless, Macy’s classroom undergoing the first phases of Elf Training.

[... ... ...]

They closed the meeting saying, “I want you to remember that even if you are assigned Photo Elf on a busy weekend, YOU ARE NOT SANTA’S SLAVE.�

For full extended monologue, please refer to clips or the script edition cited here: Mantello, Joe, and Sedaris, David. The Santaland Diaries. Dramatists Play Service, New York, NY. 1998. p. 12.

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