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(Smiles) Kulyenchikov, I like it! It’s exactly as I pictured: a quiet, pleasant village, not too large. The perfect place for a new schoolteacher to begin his career. Well, to be honest, I did spend mornings two years in a small children’s school in Moscow teaching tiny tots rudimentary spelling and numbers, but this, this is my first bona fide, professional appointment as a fulltime schoolmaster. Actually, I never heard of Kulyenchikov until I saw the advertisement that a Dr. Zubritsky placed in the college journal. Although the position was in a remote village in the Ukraine, I jumped at the chance, but I don't mind telling you that my heart is pounding with excitement. I have this passion for teaching. Greek, Latin, astronomy, classic literature. I get goosebumps just thinking about it. (He looks around.) I don’t see anyone around. Maybe I arrived a little early. I’m one of those extremely eager and enthusiastic people who’s up at the crack of dawn, ready to begin his work. This is a very, very auspicious day in my life. (We hear a ram’s horn offstage.) Oh! Excuse me!

Neil Simon, Fools, Samuel French/Concord Theatricals, 1981, pp. 9.